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Fat Addict

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Fat Addict

Hi my name is Anne. I want to tell my story in hopes that it might help some else. Maybe my words might even convince somebody not to use. I was a shy overweight 14 year old girl. I was self conscious about my weight and my family just moved from Pennsylvania to Arizona. It was so different from where I was from. The kids were wilder and more worldly. I was naive and I didn't know about half the stuff these kids were talking about. I overheard some kids talking about how crystal Meth makes you lose weight quickly. I got it in my head that I needed to try it. I felt isolated and alone. I suffered from Bipolar disorder and the alienation I felt seemed to make it that much worse. I decided to go into special classes designed for emotionally handicapped children. I met a girl there. She was a little older and much more wild. She had already been around. I became friends with her although we had nothing in common. Soon I asked her if she knew where to get crystal meth. I never imagined it would be so easy. She had me follow her next door. I handed over cash and her handed me a baggie full of meth. I used a couple times then stopped until I started hanging around some new friends. My boyfriend's best friend was so cool and I wanted to impress him. So I got some more meth and we partied. It was fun at first. Then slowly I got older my options became fewer and fewer. I then discovered that I couldn't just quit. I needed to get high to function. A few hits in the morning to wake up and more throughout the day to maintain. I met my husband because of meth and we used together. Soon I gave birth to a baby girl then not long after I was pregnant again. I had complications and my son was stillborn two months after I lost him a tragic accident took my daughter. This spiraled me into a drug frenzy. I was using $200-$300 worth of meth everyday. I had to start hustling to afford my habit. I started stealing anything I could get my hands on. It was an endless cycle of drug abuse. I ended up using the needle after I swore a million times I would never do. The funny thing is I started using to lose weight and ended up damaging my metabolism so badly my body couldn't lose the weight properly. So still overweight and severely addicted. I had 2 more children. My youngest almost killed me because I couldn't stay clean for the nine months it took to have her. The doctor didn't think I would survive. I pulled through but was left unable to have any more children. I was a mess and my baby was only six months old when I when I started running again.  I finally got caught stealing I was arrested went to jail. I was placed on probation. All I had to do was stay clean and I couldn't do it. I ended up violating probation a couple times before the judge decided to send me to prison. Here I was locked away wondering where my life went. Suddenly I realized I was 30 I had 2 children at home being raised by my mother. I hadn't accomplished anything in my life except for my kids and I was being a terrible mother to them. I was released and I tried to stay clean but it came knocking at my door and I could not say no. I was using real bad again within no time. I forgot about how it was ruining my life and my family's lives. I was oblivious to everything but my drugs. Then one day I came home after a week long binge. I laid down in bed so that I could finally get some sleep since I had been awake for days. My son entered the room he was only 7 years old he came up to me  ran his fingers across my track marks and said "ahh Mommy your using drugs again". He had tears in his eyes as he hugged me. That was the moment I hit rock bottom. I owned absolutely nothing. I didn't have a car, I lived with my parents, I didn't have a job or a bank account. I had totally and completely destroyed my credit. Plus I was a felon and that stays with you the rest of your life. My husband and I decided we have had enough. It was rough going through withdraws together. We almost  split up a few times. We moved away from Arizona and stayed clear of anyone who looked like they did drugs. I am proud to say I am 8 years clean. I still take it day by day. Sometimes I still crave it but I have learned other ways to deal with my cravings and emotions. I hope no kid ever chooses to take the road I took. I lost so much including my youth. Today I am a responsible mother I have my own online business and my husband is working full-time too. We keep a stable and happy home for our kids. Most of all we teach them how to say no.

This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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