Confused and needing help
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Confused and needing help
Hi,
I've never really spoken about this. I have bought all the books, read so many forums and have so many questions. I have a cocaine addict boyfriend. It's hard to say that without wanting to cry or constantly scream and ask why. He has been an addict for years. We dated when we were kids and I found him again after 10 years of not speaking. We went out on our first date and I noticed he was 3 hours late, very paranoid and cold. I thought it was nerves to be honest. Anywho, we were great for a while. I noticed he never wanted to hangout because he was tired. He always had to go run errands for an hour or so every couple of hours.
One night I guess he really wanted to use that he called me. He always called when he was on it. He started a whole story about things that weren't adding up. It was odd. He confessed to me that he lied about being sober and that infact he was on white. I was hurt, cried for sometime but told him that he could come to me for anything we would work through it.
Now, he breaks promises, never calls, is always upset. Doesn't ever want to leave his room. Everytime I go to spend time with him, he is beyond angry. He says that he wants to be alone to do a line from here to there. He's always mean to me when he is feening.
He said that he doesn't believe that I love or care about him. That's his answer to everything that I'm going to walk away from him. That my kindness is fake because I don't judge what he does. I try to help him take his kind off of it. He makes no effort to change. But he wants my help. He works, pays his bills ect. He's responsible when it comes to all that. My question is his mother said to not give up on him and be patient but they gave up along time ago.
From people that understand this situation better than I ever will, what advice could you give me?
Please? I'm at my final rope.
I've never really spoken about this. I have bought all the books, read so many forums and have so many questions. I have a cocaine addict boyfriend. It's hard to say that without wanting to cry or constantly scream and ask why. He has been an addict for years. We dated when we were kids and I found him again after 10 years of not speaking. We went out on our first date and I noticed he was 3 hours late, very paranoid and cold. I thought it was nerves to be honest. Anywho, we were great for a while. I noticed he never wanted to hangout because he was tired. He always had to go run errands for an hour or so every couple of hours.
One night I guess he really wanted to use that he called me. He always called when he was on it. He started a whole story about things that weren't adding up. It was odd. He confessed to me that he lied about being sober and that infact he was on white. I was hurt, cried for sometime but told him that he could come to me for anything we would work through it.
Now, he breaks promises, never calls, is always upset. Doesn't ever want to leave his room. Everytime I go to spend time with him, he is beyond angry. He says that he wants to be alone to do a line from here to there. He's always mean to me when he is feening.
He said that he doesn't believe that I love or care about him. That's his answer to everything that I'm going to walk away from him. That my kindness is fake because I don't judge what he does. I try to help him take his kind off of it. He makes no effort to change. But he wants my help. He works, pays his bills ect. He's responsible when it comes to all that. My question is his mother said to not give up on him and be patient but they gave up along time ago.
From people that understand this situation better than I ever will, what advice could you give me?
Please? I'm at my final rope.
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Comments
1.
Ann
Ann
Find an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting near you and go. It's for friends and families of alcoholics and addicts. Give it a chance and after awhile you'll see clearly as to what the right thing "to do" is.
2.
Tracey
Tracey
His mother, for good reason, would like to see you stay in his life because she is hoping that something/someone can change his destructive course. You should not be guilted into doing that! You need to ask yourself why you would be in a relationship like this? Just know that you can not help someone who cannot help himself. The best thing you can do for him is to break up with him and let him know exactly how and why his using has affected your relationship with him. He needs to hear it, experience it, and decide what he wants his life to be.By staying with him and accepting his justifications is only enabling him to continue what he is doing.
3.
Ann
Ann
Find an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting near you and go. It's for friends and families of alcoholics and addicts. Give it a chance and after awhile you'll see clearly as to what the right thing "to do" is.
4.
Tracey
Tracey
His mother, for good reason, would like to see you stay in his life because she is hoping that something/someone can change his destructive course. You should not be guilted into doing that! You need to ask yourself why you would be in a relationship like this? Just know that you can not help someone who cannot help himself. The best thing you can do for him is to break up with him and let him know exactly how and why his using has affected your relationship with him. He needs to hear it, experience it, and decide what he wants his life to be.By staying with him and accepting his justifications is only enabling him to continue what he is doing.
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