Alcohol and drugs was easier than having to feel and deal with life. That's how it started. When I didn't want to feel,I took pills, coke,or drank. I didn't want to feel sad, mad, lonely, unloved or anything but happy. I thought the only happiness I could find was when I was drinking or drugging. I thought that's what people loved..the wild and crazy, fun me. In reality the only people that loved are the ones that only want to take advantage of you. It can be emotionally, financially, or sexual. Like the old saying misery loves company. At the time you really think they are down for you. Get clean and see how many stick around, its funny. When you are not able to be taken advantage of or to join in their misery, it ceases. I have had people tell me I needed help for my drinking and drugging. Mainly my parents. My first thought was " y'all are the ones that need help" . I remember trying to blame them, telling them they are the ones that's crazy. It wasn't me, it was them. I didn't drink cause I was a alcoholic. I drank to get drunk like normal people do. I didn't drink everyday all day. To me that is what i thought a alcoholic was. I had no idea there are many forms of a ?alcoholic.Well after a few DUIs and a hit and run I finally was giving in to the notion they may be right. Only by the grace of God. I am not sitting in prison or killed anyone. I am 34. I have been sober for 3 years or I like to say I have been living for 3 years.I have found and got my old self back. The person i was in high school. The person i had been searching for in the bottle. Somewhere along the line of life i had lost that person, the joyfull, caring, free, loving,fun person i was. Being sober doesn't mean life will be easy. Life is still life. But I can handle it a lot better now. I am truly happy. I have found peace. I hope everyone who is still sick and suffering will find that peace and joy. It can happen, you just have to put in the work. Thanks for letting me share my story. I hope I will be reading yours one day.