Addiction has no prejudice, it does not care what color you are, gender, religion, career, financial situation, the role you play in others lives. Addiction does not care who, or what you are. It has no concern about what it will cause you to lose, sell, throw away, turn your back on. Addiction is a disease that will take you and your soul through hell and back then to hell again. It does not care who you are or what you're about. Addiction will take the strongest, wealthiest, hardest working man/woman and suck them into the deepest, darkest, broken hole and swallow a being as if they were nothing. This disease will take your voice from you, the words you speak will never be the truth. The things you do will make you deceive any and everyone whom crosses your path. It will make you so careless, and relentless. Addiction will make you do things never in life you thought you were capable of doing. Whatever you have to do to get your next fix, you will do.. all because your addiction is telling you to do it, you can get away with it, noone will know, only this one time, one more time... Until you hit rock bottom. Until you are completely sick and tired of being sick and tired. There is a way to climb out of that dark cold hole. I am proof.. I was at the lowest of lows, the spitefulest of spiteful, deceiver of deceit. I was one step away from the end of my life. I thought there was no turning back but there was, and there is. I am coming back stronger than ever. Life for me right now is amazing. Addiction, has made me a stronger, wiser person. For that, I am forever grateful.



I HAD TO WRITE THIS IN TREATMENT, THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE:
Dear Pain pills,
We started out as buddies, I would only see you occasionally. We would only meet here and there have a good time, then you would leave and all would be normal again. Before I knew it we were together every day. I needed you around in order for me to feel complete. Only you could make me feel good enough to get up and clean the house, or play with my son, or even do every day things that moms do. I honestly thought that you were my best friend, that you would never leave me, never hurt me. Man o man was I ever wrong. You stole everything from me, all that I had ever worked so hard for, my family didnt even want me around.. Because of you!! I changed my whole life so that I could be with you and all you did was let me down. I lost myself, who I was, was gone. The kind of people you brought to my doorstep were people that had no business being in my life, let alone my sons life. You let me down. I became so attached to you, so hooked on the way you made me feel that I let go of everything that was important to me, everything that mattered to me didnt matter as much anymore. Years went by , when you promised that you would never leave me that you would always be there for me that was a promise that you were determined to keep. You stayed with me all the way to the bottom.. you took me to a place that I had never gone before. A place that hopes and dreams do not exist. The only voice that existed was yours. I became so infatuated with you, in doing that the only people that would pick up my phone calls were the people that would bring you to me. Those people never cared, they only wanted my money. They only wanted to feed my addiction because it made their wallets full. I let you take over my whole life, my whole being. If I didnt have you I was so sick, too sick to do anything. Then one day, I decided I wanted my life back. You were determined to take those thoughts out of my mind but I was even more determined to kick you out. I wanted you gone. I took myself to a place that you weren't allowed a place where I could find myself, get my voice back, and figure out who I was all over again. In the beginning I really thought you were the best thing I had ever known, but turns out you were the worst.
I've decided to fight back, you will no longer drag me down. I will no longer tolerate just "existing" I want my life back, I want to live!! I'm kicking you out of my life, you are no longer welcome in my world. I am working on a better me. In the place that I'm in now, dreams do exist, hope is here. My family welcomed me back with open arms, and my life is back on track. Even tho I went thru hell and back with you I will never forget you, I will always remember where I have been with you and what I have went thru so that I know to never go to that place ever again. Being without you this long has given me back so much... the sparkle in my eyes, the shine in my smile and the love in my heart, they are back and they are here to stay.. I am working towards being a better mother, daughter, friend, woman, and most importantly a better ME!! You will no longer control any part of my life. MY life is in my hands, and that is where it will stay....

Thanks for the lessons,
Victorious Me