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Who woulda thought....

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Who woulda thought....

i started to steal my folks cigs and beer when i was 8 yrs old...that was in 1977. as time went on i became sexually active by the time i was 12. i was put in foster homes then reform school until i was 16. when i was released i picked up right where i left off. i was drinking, smoking pot, having sex with any boy available and started doing lines of cocain because i was really gay and didnt want to be because my family told me i would burn in hell. by the time i was 18 i was deeper into drinking and cocain. it brought me straight into danger because at 19 i was walkin to a party and abducted and savagely attacked by 2 men who eventually got 38-80 yrs in prison. this sent me deeper into the drugs because i was persecuted in the press for not crying in court and playing the victim roll. i went off the deep end.

after i had my daughter in 1990 and gave her up to my aunt in 1994 i took my first hit of freebase cocain. i was 23 yrs old. i went completely into the cocain life for 13 yrs. i was a low life street walking crackhead who could not be helped. i was sent to jail and put on probation and numerous impatient and outpatient programs. i was sent to counseling and to 12 step meetings. nothing worked for me. i did not care about going to jail or court or even the programs i was mandated to attend.

then one day..jan 7, 2007 i scored a big score and bought a crap load of crack. 2 hits into my victory i looked down at the smoking apparatus in my hand and said,"what the fuck am i doing?" a voice behind me said,"your smoking crack." i reached into my pocket, pulled out all the crack i had and gave that guy all of it, including my apparatus. i said," no i dont think i am anymore, cya." i was 37 yrs old. i left with what money there was left and went and found a place to sleep that i didnt have to pay for with money, crack or sex, and i slept for almost 2 months. i didnt go to meetings. i didnt go anywhere but right back to the streets to hustle and get my daily bread. about 3 months later a man gave me a job as a ground grunt for his roofing company and i worked for a yr with him. i started to regain a relationship with my mother. about 18 months into my cleanliness my mother was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. i was closer than i have ever been with my mom and she was proud of me for staying clean for so long because i never did other than being locked up. we got to talk about our rocky relationship over the yrs and cried and apologized and laughed and forgave each other. i applied for college when my mom went into remission in 2009. i was accepted and the night before classes started we found that her cancer came back. she did not let me quit and i started down my education road in the spring semester of 2010. in the fall, after being on chemo for 9 months we learned my mothers cancer kept spreading. i did not return in the fall semester and moved in with her to take care of her. she passed away dec 21, 2010 and 4 days later my future mother-in-law passed on christmas day with the rarest form of skin cancer on the planet. not once did i think about going back to crack or the streets. i went back to college in the spring semester of 2011 and i just graduated with honors in dec 2012. i am in pursuit of my bsw right now at a good college. 2 more yrs and i will have my bachelors degree. who woulda thought a crackhead like me woulda quit, taken care of her sick mom and graduate with honors. i know i didnt. but here i am. who woulda thought that i would possess this desire to not go back to that lifestyle ever. i do not know how to quit living my life the way that i am today. who woulda thought......


This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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Comments

1. Lisa Frederiksen
Hi Sam, That can certainly be the case for some teens. One of the key risk factors for developing an addiction is childhood trauma, which can include verbal, physical or emotional abuse or neglect or abandonment. The substance can make a young person feel good because it targets the dopamine neural networks in the brain, a feeling the teen wants to repeat so uses, again and again. The post at this link might also help with your paper: http://tiny.cc/a53qv. Thanks for your question.
2. Sam
I came across this article, while doing my research Teen Addition problems for school paper. I think one of the first reason Teens start doing drugs, is due to lack of attention in their childhood. I appreciate it if you can comment on this.