Who woulda thought....
Who woulda thought....
after i had my daughter in 1990 and gave her up to my aunt in 1994 i took my first hit of freebase cocain. i was 23 yrs old. i went completely into the cocain life for 13 yrs. i was a low life street walking crackhead who could not be helped. i was sent to jail and put on probation and numerous impatient and outpatient programs. i was sent to counseling and to 12 step meetings. nothing worked for me. i did not care about going to jail or court or even the programs i was mandated to attend.
then one day..jan 7, 2007 i scored a big score and bought a crap load of crack. 2 hits into my victory i looked down at the smoking apparatus in my hand and said,"what the fuck am i doing?" a voice behind me said,"your smoking crack." i reached into my pocket, pulled out all the crack i had and gave that guy all of it, including my apparatus. i said," no i dont think i am anymore, cya." i was 37 yrs old. i left with what money there was left and went and found a place to sleep that i didnt have to pay for with money, crack or sex, and i slept for almost 2 months. i didnt go to meetings. i didnt go anywhere but right back to the streets to hustle and get my daily bread. about 3 months later a man gave me a job as a ground grunt for his roofing company and i worked for a yr with him. i started to regain a relationship with my mother. about 18 months into my cleanliness my mother was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. i was closer than i have ever been with my mom and she was proud of me for staying clean for so long because i never did other than being locked up. we got to talk about our rocky relationship over the yrs and cried and apologized and laughed and forgave each other. i applied for college when my mom went into remission in 2009. i was accepted and the night before classes started we found that her cancer came back. she did not let me quit and i started down my education road in the spring semester of 2010. in the fall, after being on chemo for 9 months we learned my mothers cancer kept spreading. i did not return in the fall semester and moved in with her to take care of her. she passed away dec 21, 2010 and 4 days later my future mother-in-law passed on christmas day with the rarest form of skin cancer on the planet. not once did i think about going back to crack or the streets. i went back to college in the spring semester of 2011 and i just graduated with honors in dec 2012. i am in pursuit of my bsw right now at a good college. 2 more yrs and i will have my bachelors degree. who woulda thought a crackhead like me woulda quit, taken care of her sick mom and graduate with honors. i know i didnt. but here i am. who woulda thought that i would possess this desire to not go back to that lifestyle ever. i do not know how to quit living my life the way that i am today. who woulda thought......
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