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Self will run riot

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Self will run riot

Hi my name is Joy and I'm a 41 year old recovering addict. I started out like most people drinking alcohol. I was around 5 or 6 when I had my first drink. My mother used to make me hot tottys with liquor when I was sick. My father was an alcoholic and died when I was eleven years old. He was diagnosed with lung cancer, a brain tumor and hepatitus C. After high school I went to college thirty minutes from my home town and lived at home but that didn't keep me from taking advantage of being what I thought was being a grown up. I starting going to frat parties and got reintroduced to alcohol. I blackedout my first drunk and it didn't change from there. My drinking only increased from there but what I didn't know was I was a functional alcoholic. In my early thirties I started experiencing anxiety and panic attacks. I went to the doctor and he started me on xanax. My whole world changed, I thought I was ten feet tall and bullet proof. I started driving under the influence, shop lifting and attempting suicide. I was depressed and trying to fill a void and acting out in a xanax blackouts seemed to do the trick or so I thought. I grew up having a belief in a Higher Power and I severed that relationship on my end. Little did I know He didn't. I attemped suicide four times and I'm still here. After the fourth time I woke up in the hospital I realized something had to change because I was tired. I went to residential treatment about an hour from my home town. I learned about the disease of addiction and that my thinking can make my self will run riot if I don't keep it in check. I just celebrated four years of recovery and I could have only done that by the Grace of God. I have a sponsor I got to meetings and I work the twelve steps and I take life one day at a time. I'm truly grateful for being given a second chance at life and I actually feel like I'm living it today instead of trying to avoid it.

This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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