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You Can Get There From Here

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You Can Get There From Here

Well for starters, my story ends on a much more upbeat note. I put the video as a warning that for many it does not. It's a fanvid I made for The Great Beyond by Aimee Mann. It's cautionary of course and kind of chilling. But that's the point.



But my story, started when Reagan was commander in chief, (at least the booze and the drugs part, being MICA or Double Trouble it actually goes back to the Carter administration but we'll just focus on the substance abuse part here) anyways, it started out real fun and games like, smoke a little dope, drink a little booze, listen to a little Alice Cooper, The Stones, but then of course this was 1987, I was 14 and when you're a kid you can handle things physically better. So I could pound'em down and not feel any ill effects.

Sure, I had it under control, after all you couldn't tell me a damn thing. By the time I was 18 I had it all figured out, I was gonna be Joe Hollywood, never sprained my wrist signing autographs but I had my slam dunks, I nailed an audition just by walking into the room once, I did stand up comedy, even wrote my own comebacks to hecklers and never once needed them. I was that good. Of course I had a monkey on my back. Just didn't realize it. A monkey that would soon make King Kong look like Dora the Explorer's little chimp friend.

Anyways by '98, a few friendships and girlfriends fell off due to the disease but fuck'em right? All my bills were paid, I had the job, the career, a steady piece of ass, I had it going on.

Or so I thought. Fast forward to 2003. The bottom fell out on me on the showbiz thing, I hadn't been to a dentist in 15 years. It looked like I had meth mouth and I ain't never even done meth. It was just booze, and smokin' pot like it was crack. Of course I tried other things along the way. Mushrooms, LSD, angel dust, pills, coke, opium, Special K. Even ecstacy a bunch of times. But ole Jimmy Beam was the onne that damned near did me in.

I knew I was circling the drain so I dropped out of sight, friends, I barely spoke with my family, I tried geographical recovery. I moved to Cali in '02. Lived there a few months and it worked so well I wound up in the drunk tank.

I managed to get clean for a little while from March of '04 till April of '05. But then I got a case of the fuck its and decided it was off to the races. My problem then (among many others) was my hapiness was too contingent on the external and I was doing it for everyone else.

Just remember if you wanna get clean you can, but you gotta want it, and you gotta want it for you.

And never forget where you came from. That was my biggest mistake.

By '07 I was homeless, I joined The Army because the prospect of going to Iraq or Afghanistan was more appealing than living on Ward's Isand in NYC. for those of you that have been there you know what I'm talking about for the uninitiated let's just say when you get to boot camp, when you tell them you were on Ward's Islannd they automatically give you a unit patch.

Well I was medically discharged and came back to NY. You would think I would have learned my lesson but no. I was on the street again within 2 months.

I tried to kill myself for the 7th. time (I gotta go to Vegas and play the numbers, talk about beating the odds lol) survived it (obviously or you'd be hearing about this through a psychic lol).

Anyways I was living out of a drop in center in Staten Island, it was Super Bowl Sunday 2008, I was close to 35 and I just took a good long look at myself and my surroundings and said "dude, what the fuck happened? you were supposed to be on the cover of entertainment weekly, you were supposed to do the shower scene with Angelina Jolie, what the fuck happened?"



Fast forward five years, I am as of this writing 5 years to the day clean and sober, I started school, had my orientation today. I'm living independently and I haven't lived outdoors since ;08. My teeth look great, I look better now than I did in '96 and I was nothing to sneeze at back then either.

It hasn't been easy, I mean I have body dysmorphia, I'm diagnosed schizo affective and since I quit drinking and drugging I've had 2 relationships go sideways on me (I understand now that ego defense aside the real reason MOST relationships end is due to incompatibility) most of my family is dead and gone and I had a friend I knew since grade school die 2 years ago. I almost got cut in a mugging. So no it hasn't been easy, but it is worth it. And I don't do the 12 step thing either, I know that makes me a "dry drunk" to some but ask yourself this? How did people deal with stuff like this (and heartbreak and mental illness et al) in the frontier days or the medevial times. They either got through it or they did not. Sometmes that's all that life allows, the either or option. I did and so can you

And you can get there from here too.

And that old addage is true, I wouldn't trade my best day using for my worst day sober.



Carpe Diem


This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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