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There is Hope

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There is Hope

Before the age of 10 I had robbed my first house and smoked my first cigarette. By the age of 13 I had my first beer [hated the taste, loved the effects] this was my take off point. Alcohol removed my inhibitions it made me happier, funnier, stronger. More than anything or anyone alcohol was my best friend it didnt judge me it didnt let me down. At the age of 16 I had working papers and got a job working in a kitchen during the summer on weekends. Wine was readily available and i took full advantage though I worked long hours I got paid and drunk what could be better? As a freshman in High school I was in a school with nearly 4,000 students. I was overwhelmed having to get on a bus by 6:15am. More often than not I was hitting up the gallon bottle of carlos&rossi wine just to help get through the day.

By the age of 17 I was getting high on the daily basis and I was thoroughly out of control.? Stealing money from my parents in between paychecks to support my habits I now began cutting up and snorting pain pills that my Dad was taking for a Heart ailment because I kept chasing a high that I was no longer getting from pot and pills.The friends that I knew growing up playing sports with had started to step away from me.The bonds we had were starting to be broken by my addictions. I became a liar a thief as well as unpredictably violent. I barely? got out of highschool and went to college for 3weeks and then on a friday while high and drunk I quit college, my job and wrecked my Dads car all within 24hours yet didnt really think I had?a problem .?Now at the age of 19 drunk, desperate and angry I became sick of being sick and tired I didnt know what to do but I knew I could not stand to DO?this anymore. While drunk I took a bunch a pills and left a suicide note and if I got up the next day I would go to work and if not I would be out of the pain that my addiction put me in. Well the next day I got up and went to work? but what I was not counting on was 2days later my Mom found the note Her and my Dad [who were both alcoholics] brought me to a mental health unit and it was there I got my first introduction to program but I treated it more like a vacation and got little out of it . I was told? to go to?AA meetings but Iwas not ready to listen? and I went back out? and over the next 6years. I wound up trying heroin, coke, crack and spending time in? ICU , going to parties and having to be explained instead of introduced.

Shortly after my 25th birthday I hit a crossroads while living in my friends shed. My disease again wanted me to die I got a ride near the same mental health unit? as I crossed an overpass of a highway to get to the unit I was going to jump and kill myself but my thought was with my luck I'LL live. Now 6months out of rehab hanging out with the same people doing the same things I started getting high again. I Felt it was time for a geographical cure so, I moved upstate with a friend who was in the airforce. I stayed on base with him and within a few weeks I was drinking again I blackeDOUT several times while I was driving on base. I was once again at a crossroads because I didnt want to die but I didnt want to live this way either. I packed my stuff in my car and headed home to where I grew up I drank my last few beers coming down the Northway.

Now a little more humble, a little more desperate, a little willing to concede defeat to addiction I started going to?AA meetings. I got a sponsor ,I openned my ears and shut my mouth . I took a coffee comittment . Now 22 years later I came home to write from an?AA meeting I went to this morning. I CONTINUE TO REMAIN TEACHEABLE.? I CONTINUE TO DO STEP WORK? A DAY AT A TIME . In sobriety I have been blessed with 5 children a wife and a home. I also have managed to repair damaged friensdships of the past. I have lost my parents in sobriety as well but thanks to god ALTHOUGH I miss them, their deaths were not a reason to pickup. I hope that at least there is one person out there who reads this and it helps them because THERE IS HOPE!!!?



Partners for Hope raise critical funds on behalf Partnership to End Addiction – the nation’s leading organization dedicated to addiction prevention, treatment and recovery. Every dollar raised on behalf of the Partnership* will help ensure free, personalized family support resources, including our national helpline, peer-to-peer parent coaching, customized online tools and community education programs, can reach those who need them most. Please consider donating to this fundraiser and sharing this page.

*Donations made to Partnership to End Addiction are tax deductible to the extent allowed by law. All contributions are fully tax-deductible, as no goods or services are provided in consideration in whole, or in part, of any contribution to this nonprofit organization.  EIN: 52-1736502

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