The Road Less Traveled
I knew on this day without any level of uncertainty that I would not live to see my 35th Birthday. A rational person would have thought "I have to quit and save myself", but I had gone through the pains of withdrawal in the past and attempts of sobriety and I was in too deep therefore my response to my demise was "I'm going out with a bang". Of course I had the thoughts of "how could this happen to me?". I was the star athlete and popular kid throughout high school and college. I was the guy in the audience laughing and thinking and telling my buddies ?what a loser that guy on stage was talking about his drug addictions and destroyed life. ?One would think after spending a couple months in suffolk county prison with gangbangers would scare me straight, or having my last rights read to me with internal bleeding in my brain after a coke and booze fueled fight, but NO, it wasn't enough, I wasn't ready and in my addict mind I would never be ready. My buddies would go so far as to say "no one likes a quitter" when I tried to stop in the past. It wasn't their body being destroyed and it wasn't them watching the tears flow out of the eyes of every person who truly loved me when they tried to help. My 3 year old niece was intuitive enough to know she didn't want to be around me because I was to F'd up. My sister would tell herself that she didn't have a brother so she could stop feeling the pain of knowing she was watching me slowly kill myself. This same sister had the unbelievable courage to drag me out of a hotel where I was going to take my last breath, and bring me to a rehab in San Diego that changed me in every possible way. I was beyond tired, physically, mentally, emotionally, and most of all I was tired of the lies. I didn't do the whole finding God thing, I took a logic based approach to my recovery as that suits me best.
The point isn't what methodology you use to get sober, all that is important is to know that any punk can get high, but it takes a real man/woman to get sober. I saw my 35th Birthday come and go, and of course I would do anything to have all those years back where my only love was drugs and alcohol, but I can't so I am going to enjoy the hell out of the real and deeper than ever imagined relationships I am now capable of by being sober and present...especially with my beautiful niece Waverly : ).
This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.