With sobriety anything is possible
With sobriety anything is possible
I met a man that rescued me from my abuser, and we got married, 2 weeks after we started dating. The day after we were married my husband found out that I had given him an STD, and we were both treated and recovered, though I was obviously very embarrased. I got busted for cultivation with my husband and my husband went to prison. I went to rehab and stayed for 9 months. When I got out I quit methadone after reuniting with my husband after he was paroled. A few short months later I was using xanax again with my husband, though I was clean from other street drugs, I wasn't clean entirely. I was on probation, and it kept me from using street drugs.
One day, I fell asleep next to my husband, and when I awoke, I found him dead. He stopped breathing after combining heroin and xanax, which can easily be lethal. Those moments changed my life forever. I moved back home and got clean, for real this time. I reunited with an old flame. After a year or so, I was having severe abdominal pain and ended up needing exploratory surgery to diagnose the cause. I found out that entire areas of my reproductive organs were destroyed from having had the undiagnosed STD for a lengthy amount of time. My fertility was destroyed. My significant other disregarded it, as he knew that I had a troubled past, and knew that I didn't currently have an std.
After a few years we were married. I found a decent job, and we bought a house. We did IVF, and had a daughter with down syndrome. I was devestated initially, but am so enamored with her now. I went back to school for the third time and began taking classes for Human Resource management. I will be graduating in 2 months with a bachelors degree. I just want people to know that with extra effort, and perserverance, this thing is possible. If you had asked me ten years ago where I thought I would be in 2013 I would have chuckled or maybe glared, and I would have told you that I would more than likely be dead; and had my first husband not died from drugs, I probably would have. I would have died with a needle in my arm, in a rent by the week room, or from violence trying to score another bag. I think of drugs once in awhile now, but it is far from being a daily thought, and it is never a real possibility in my mind. I know what I want, and it isn't death. Once upon a time, I thought that was what I wanted, but now I am wiser. Today I love myself. The best advice I can give is going to treatment, I did for 9 months. Then work on your educaton and get a job. It will boost yourself esteem and make you learn love yourself. I am not there entirely, but it's a journey, not a destination, right?
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