It all started when i was little.. My parents got a divorce when i was three years old and this was hard because everytime i would go back and forth seeing them, they tell me before i leave that i would never see them again. It killed me because i did not want that to happen.. It was also hard because both of my parents are deaf and its hard to communicate with them because if they dont want to listen, all they have to do is turn around and walk away because they can only understand me if i sign to them.. but they chose not to and always turn their back on me.. Thats when i learned to keep my feelings to myself...

When i was four years old i had a baby sitter who was 19 years old who would play these games with me that were not appropriate. This lasted for about two years. The only reason why it stopped was because we moved.. Also at four, my sister came into my life and that was the best gift i could ever ask for because i did not have to be alone anymore..

At the age of seven is when my dad and step father became abusive. They both started getting into drugs and drinking a lot so they became angry all the time.. My step dad tryed to drown me and told me its because worthless girls like me should not live.. The only reason why my mom saved my life was becasue she did not want to go to jail... My father also would tell me on a daily basis that i am a mistake and worthless and thats why i have to be punished. My father also came out of the closet when i was seven and told me he was gay and a guy moved in who was really heavy into drugs and was really mean...

When i went to my moms i was happy at first because i got to see my little sister and i wanted to make sure she?was okay. But this year my step dad started to touch me? and would?rape me .. this kept going for along time..?In my head i just did not care if he beat me or raped me as long as my sister did not have to go through it then thats all that matters...?he would not lay his?hand on her and only me. This became a daily basis for me where i became scared and thought i was not supposed to be here and that girls like me are supposed to live this way...

At age ten i started drinking.?I would take it from the kitchen and put it in a bottle so my dad would not know i was drinking.. When i would get drunk i started to feel normal and the pain went away.. I thought i found a away to run away from all this and i would never have to feel pain again...

At age twelve I grew a eatting disorder and started cutting myself? I thought i was ugly and my parents told me i was fat every day.?I thought if i had a eating disorder i would stay skinny.. I started cutting because i thought it was another way to run away from my pain i felt inside...

At age 14 i started to go to parties with my friends and hang out with people so much older than i was. Thats when i started getting into drugs.. I told myself this is another way to run and that this will keep me numb and maybe if i do drugs like my dad he will like me.. well that was not the case... I got taken from my partents this year because i would go to school with marks all over my body and my friends told the teachers. so cps took me away and i moved in with my grandparents...

This is the year i started doing drugs on a daily basis. I got picked on in school by the boys and they would do mean things to me.. They would come to my house and pick on me. Put a gun to my head and one day it got too far and i got raped again.. This was the end point for me i started to get into drugs really bad and started hanging out with the wrong crowd.. I started stealing and getting suspended from school because i would fight people...

At age 18 i luckily graduated and i moved out on my own with a group of friends.. I wanted to move out i wanted to party more.. I had a good job and was a manager at my family bussiness at this time i was able to pay my bills but at age twenty i started to give up on that.. i started using all my money on drugs and making that my number one... I started to steal money from my family anf my family bussiness. I started to break into houses and steal there stuff so i can sell it off for money..

At age twenty one i started to sell my body for drugs i found out it was a easy way to make fast cash.. I lost everything at this time i lost my pride, my friends, i lived in a car or house to house who ever would take me in..

At age twenty two i hit rock bottom it became so painful i could not go a day with out drugs or i would hurt so bad i did not care about anything but that drug.. So i went to my aunt and grandparents and asked for help... I told them i needed to go to rehab.. I went to rehab and thats the best thing ive ever done in my life.. it helped me get over my past and helped me cop with things i did not know how to do before..

Ive been clean since april 29th 2012 and i will tell you after recovery life wont be perfect.. i lost my aunt and my nana.. i got raped and beat.. but i learned how to deal with it in a different way i learned how to use my coping skills and ask for help... talking to people and going to meetings talking with your sponsor and now.. i am in school to become a nurse i live with my grandparents agian to get my life on track.. I go to treatment?everyday and call my sponsor and of course i could not do this with out my higher power who been there the whole time....? life for me was like a rollercoster but i would not take anything back... my high power gave me gift to help the people who are stuck and need a hand or someone to talk to and helping people is the best feeling in the world.. and i am taking it day by day but another day sober is a miracle...