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Afraid of Life.

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Afraid of Life.

Where to start?..?Let ?me start by saying HI my name is Diana i am 15 i turn 16 on Nov.7.. I am here sharing a story that maybe no one will read...but oh well. Ha... So you guys can know me a little better I am Mexican born there and brought here in America when i was 3. dont remember much.. I only have one thing from Mexico and thats my blanket.. I have had it since i was born.....This is really hard to do i dont know how many people can sit here and talk about their stories..mine isnt that bad i guess...when i was in the 5th grade i started drinking. Not a lot just a bit..then 6 grade i started getting bullied...Girls would message me on?FACEBOOK?to go DIE?only because i ran into this girl....for a whole year i got all these rude comments for one mistake.. I did try killing my self but i just thought pain killers were a better medicine. i took about 5 a day to get threw the school day and like 2 before going to bed..i didnt do this everyday only when it was bad.. 7th grade i started having bad bad family problems i would feel worthless feel like no one loved me no one wanted me my "best friend" told me to?KILL my self becuase no one would miss this?"FATASS"?and i believe it... i started cutting myself. i didnt want people to notice so i cutted my hips. i would cut an image of me of a skinny girl..i would want to cut all my fat off... i hated who i was i didnt feel good about my self(still dont) 8th grade i started drinking again..but this time it was worse. i skipped school to get drunk. I didnt drink with anyone just me. i started to smoke cigarettes too. i just felt grossed out by who i was. so i became who i said i would never be. I pushed away all of my true friends... i would ignore them to go hangout with my bad friends that got me doing stupid shit.?I WAS STUPID. and i still am.. this year i have started smoking weed and i still do pills and cigarettes.. even though i have given up on drinking for 5 months because it got so bad where a guy took advantage of me.......I was stupid...i have learned to hate myself more everyday that goes by.... every single day...i started drinking again.. im afraid of what will happen but im so done i dont care anymore. i have asked for help from my parents they havent done anything... they rather go to the casino and spend their money than to?get there young baby girl help...?FUCK MY PARENTS i never had them when i was little why have them now??HA!?if i live long enough to have kids i wont do this to them if they need help i would help them i love helping people and anyone?NO MATTER?who you are i will help you or at least try my best to help.. need someone message me oh one thing about me i cry peoples pain and stress not just cause but because i rather be the one?suffering than someone else?who has a point in this world. i have really bad stress i get bumps on my neck..i suffer a lot but i rather hold in all the pain and help eveyone in the world than to bother people with my stress..i just wish i could stop hurting myself with pills and cigarettes....?I NEED HELP. THE REALLY BULLIES ISNT THE PEOPLE AROUND ME..ITS ME.. i need help not from the people around me i need help from who i am.. i see my self as a fat pig and nasty girl who doesnt deserve a life.. i dont see my self as beautiful..i wish i did..i just never can..i have helped a lot of friends from not killing themselves..i have saved a lot of lives..i just cant seem to find a way to help myself..i cant seem to find the happy me i used to be.. i just need to take this blindfold off but it seems impossible to do..ha....just help me..i dont have family that will help maybe a stranger can..
P.S Stay strong<3

This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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