Both of my parents are addicts. It was just my mom and I, my dad was never around. My mom was a chronic relapser. I grew up in the rooms of recovery. Everytime she would relapse it would break me a little more. I saw things a child should never see. Heroin was her drug of choice. She was also on methadone maintnance program. I grew up hating drugs, What they did to my mom. How they kept my dad away from me all my life. I believe I was born an addict. I was taken away at the age of thirteen. By then I was drinking and smoking weed, nothing crazy. I was miserable though. I wanted my mom back and i hated that this disease had her. She had to give one clean test to get me back. Just SOME effort, she was incapable. She was in the grips of this monster. I became a ward of the state. I found meth. That night I met my match. Little did I know what I was in for. I don't even think I cared anymore. I began smoking it on foil. The very next day i had my own supply and pipe. I was on probation soon after. My mom and I were both using. I hated everything. Her, me, the world. I didn't care about anything anymore & I liked that. Everything got worse but I didn't stop. I was sent from group homes, tossed around. I ran from everywhere. In the begining I just wanted my mom. I let that go. I was never gonna get what I wanted. So why wait? Why care? years went on, I was doing the same things, my disease progressed and the consequences became greater. I was sent to an out of state lock down facility. My mom told me she had some months clean. I said something like " thats nice, look where I am now". I was mad at her for being better and I'm all messed up and at the same time I didn't want to get disappointed again. Skipping forward. I had always been afraid of needles, despised them, because my mom used them.. & I had began shooting dope. Something I swore I'd NEVER do. My life spun out of control more and more. I was insane. I was miserable. But I couldn't stop no mattter what. I wasn't ready.

When I was 21 I was in Fresno on another mission. it was around 7 AM. I was trying to get some dope. I met 2 guys. Tried to get 20 dollars worth. One of them had hit me in the face with a brick. Breaking my cheek bome in half, both sides of my nose and splitting my sinus. My mom drove from San Jose to get me. After a few weeks of steroids to reduce to swelling, I had surgery. And then I was gone again. That's INSANITY.

I'm writing this to tell you that today both myself and my mom are clean and sober. my clean date is 12/31/2010 I got arrested on my moms 6 years clean :) I called her that day and she said that's the best present she could ask for. I haven't turned back. EVEN WHEN I WANT TO. Trust me, there's many days that seem overwhelming, just living life on life's terms. But it's so worth it. My mom and I have a good relationship today. No, not perfect. But a hell of a lot better. & I'm grateful to be alive, clear minded and clean.

Chase your recovery like you chased your drugs.

Thanks for listening.. -shaylah