From what I know and have heard, my story started the same as so many others. Social lubricaton for a shy kid. A companion when isolated. A boost of esteem when I had none. A key to finding "them," the crowd, the friends I wanted.

Flunked out of two colleges, countless blackouts, escaping consequences by the grace of God, for which I am grateful. I straightened out when I went to a strict college and threw myself into quiet libraries, books, studies. I finally felt good about myself and was seeing accomplishment. Got married, had two kids, earned a professional job. It all fell apart as I used more and more substances of every kind to change the way I felt, whether it was stress, anger, boredom. Booze and drugs became my only friend and my new wife, even though my real wife still suffers through my ups and downs in sobriety. I have 18 monhs of off and on clean and sober time and 6 months solid, clean and sober.

I give it up to my higher power and my friends in the program because they are the ones who will always understand. God bless all of you with your struggles. It is hard and somedays are nearly impossilble, but with my friends and higher power by my side, I am stronger than on my own. I was always alone in my using and drinking. Spread love and it will come back to you.

-Johnny D