I began taking opioids when I was in middle school. The school I was at was a strict baptist school, me and my buddy at the time had no idea what oxycodone was. I remember the first time I snorted the old OxyContin 80mgs saying "where have you been my entire life?" Shortly afterwards I found out how amazing the feeling of mixing crack and oxy was and from then on out it was climbing the ladder of death...soon oxy became very weak to me and I did something I swore I'd never "be that low" to do. I started IVing hydromorphone and oxymorphone and occasionally morphine when I couldn't get anything else. It started eating away at me...I had problems with local law enforcement...they got to know me on a one name basis....my mother had similar demons....she didn't iv or snort anything ...but still took a lot of opioids by mouth. Mom found me aspirating many times from IVing too much hydromorphone and by smoking fentanyl. She saved my life. I decided to get help. I had been to many rehab facilities but this was the first time I actually wanted to get clean. I was put on subutex and then subsequently put on Suboxone. I did well for a while....but then started selling my Suboxone......after many months of being on it I had gotten to the point where I was back on the needle....even IVing Suboxone when completely desperate.....then my mom made me a deal I couldn't believe.....she would goto the methadone clinic if I took my Suboxone as prescribed......I agreed and was elated to think of me and my mother being free and no longer being slaves to opioids and benzos....on may 8th I told my mother goodnight....then I heard her aspirating...which she had been through many times...I listened to her horrible opioid od snore and did nothing about it...I felt as though she would be fine like she always was. The next morning on may 9 2013 I found my mother cold and blue...I have seen friends od and die in front of me but I was in denial the second I saw her. It was 20 minutes before the ambulance got here and the entire time I was doing chest compressions on my beautiful loving 42 year old mother...but she had been long gone. It was the biggest tragedy I ever faced...still is....everyday is a complete battle within my mind....I will have times I don't even think about opioids then all of a sudden I can't take life with out it....it has been hell to say it lightly...but when I lost her I lost my recklessness ....I realized I am not invincible ....I could've easily have died with friends stealing...when I got in a car accident where I passed out with my foot on the pedal and nearly died....many friends have been shot by the police or overdosed and now my sweet sweet mother has become another one of those statistics ....it breaks my heart...but ultimately six months later has pushed me harder than ever before to take it ONE day at a time.....mother always tole me, "Punky, honey this too shall pass" when I got her ashes I decided to put those words across my chest to remind me everyday...this too shall pass.....don't give up....us addicts almost all are so troubled but so talented. My life and what I've been through has pushed me to goto college in January 2014 to begin a two year degree to become a counselor......do not give up brothers and sisters. I promise you....This Too Shall Pass...........