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The death of me

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The death of me

I started smoking marijuana when I was 13 right after I got hit by an old guy in a car on my way to school early in the morning.
Never thought once that it would have such a big affect on my life.
With a hard childhood in the projects at that time I didn't care about any type of affect all I knew was life was f'd up. I was raped, molested and my mom got shot 3 times (she survived) but her mental state of mind is dark days lights off paranoid till this day. I always felt like nothing can get any worst than that.
I use to meet older guys on the chat line looking for love I guess. One had introduced me to weed and i remember the first time because I was so young and dumb I got high and thought I was seeing ponies and balloons lol.
After that day nothing was the same. I smoked everyday couldn't wake up or go to sleep without a blunt. Met a 19 yr old girl when I was 14 and we started calling the chat line together looking for guys with liquor and weed.
By the time I was 17 my mom got an pen warrant against me that I didn't care about so I was sentence to a group home. When I was 18 I got a lil lump sum from the car accident and my mom wanted some money so she let me come home. By that time I was smoking a quarter a day.
The guy who I was buying from laced me.
I couldn't sleep for three days straight i didn't know what was happening to me. I was paranoid upset and scared of something but didn't know what. I looked in the mirror and cut off all my hair. I bought a plane ticket to South Carolina got on the plane and never made it. I was suppose to transfer to another plane in Washington, D.C. That never happened all I remember is standing in the middle of the highway in front of the pentagon butt naked. The cops came brought me to a hospital then to the crazy house.
At that time nobody knew what happened to me. When my mom finally found me she brought me to my grandma. my grandmother put me in rehab but I don't remember anything about that part because my mind was gone I wasn't talking I wasn't thinking I was gone! When they released me I still wasn't ok my grandmother sent me back to NY and the cops found me in port authority screaming and crying so they bought me to Bellevue hospital I was there for a month I came back to me but not the same me I had lost my memory for a little while. I had to get to know my self again and my mom was scared to let me come home. So I went from the hospital straight to a shelter. I had to learn how to cope because I never knew how so I used marijuana to block out the pain. Only left to face it head on at the end. It's been two years since I smoked I got my GED I'm working but I will still never be the same it still hurts and bothers me but nothing can make me go back because it felt like the death of me.


This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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