The path to heaven went through my own personal hell
The path to heaven went through my own personal hell
Long story short, I got addicted to heroin again and lost everything. I ended up moving back to PA with my mother. While living back at home I met a girl and she got pregnant with my child. More than anything in life I wanted a son. I wanted a son because I never had my father growing up. He too was an addict and left when I was a year old so I had a lot of pain inside because of this. I wanted to have a son to make right the wrong my father made because as much as I hated my father I ended up just like him. A lying, thief of a drug addict. The only bad part of recieving the news that I was a going to be a dad was that I am still using and I knew there was no way I could be a father and an addict. It just wouldn't work. They were two full time jobs and I had to choose one. I battled my own personal demons for 9 moths. I would go to bed every night saying I was done the next day and I was going to get clean so I could be a father to my son. My son was due April 19th.
December 26th, 2009 I pretty much gave up on life. Me and my son's mother couldn't get along more than an hour because of my addiction. We broke up Christmas morning and I went back to my mother's house alone for Christmas. The next day I took all my money and went into the city with another addict and we met our dealer. I spent the whole day saying I just wanted to die. I didnt want to go on living like that anymore. I ended up over dosing. I remember waking up in the hospital with iv's in my hands, wires hooked up all over me, and a tube down my throat. The nurse walked in to check on me and her jaw hit the floor when she seen I was awake. I was told that they were trying to ID me so they could call my mother and tell her I was brain dead. The Dr. came in and told me I was very lucky to be alive and that angels were watching over me. The amount of time my brain went without oxygen, I should not be sitting here typing this today. My heart wasn't beating when I was dropped off in front of that hospital yet here I am today. It really hit me at that moment that I was here for a reason. It wasnt until April 19th, 2010, that I realized what my reason for being here was for. I held my son in my arms and looked into his eyes and I knew. I was here to give my son the life I never had. I was here to be a father to my son. I left the hospital that day and got enrolled into the suboxone program to help me get back on my feet and become a person again.
It has been 3 years on April 19 , 2013 that I have been clean from drugs of any kind and I have not stepped fooot into a bar for a drink. I used all the way up to the day before my son was born. I wish I would of been there for my son's mother more when she was pregnant but I cant go back and change that. I am in my sons life though and he has his father here. I have my son 4 days a week and I am a construction foreman for my best friend's company on the 3 days a week I do not have my son. I am not exactly where I want to be in life at the moment but one day at a time I am getting there. God gave me a million chances in life. He gave me a good life while living in California and I took it all for granted. God took it all away from me. I was at the lowest point in life that I have ever been in and I gave up. God had different plans for me. He wasnt letting me give up that easy. He gave me my beautiful little boy. If it werent for my son I would not be here today. I would be in jail or dead. I have dedicated my life to my son, to be what my dad never was, a father. My dad chose drugs over me and god gave me the chance to choose my son over drugs. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that when I had a child that I would be there for him or her and that is probably the only promise I have ever kept in life. I still have my ups and downs like any of us but I have my ups and downs sober. I deal with life the right way, without chasing after a high everytime I get stressed. I came a long way in life. A lot of people notice a big change in me. Its good to hear people who once hated me tell me that I am one of the best fathers they have ever seen. If I can touch just one person with my story I willl be happy. I was at the lowest point in life and I made it out. If I could do it then anyone can do it. Thank you for reading my story. God bless.
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