I am not here to make excuses or to try and justify my actions in any way but, here is my story. I come from a long line of drinkers and drug users. Mental issue are deep rooted as well. My mom left me at a young age to live with an old couple. My grandma was very mentally and verbally abusive as was my mom. Being told you were never wanted has its deep imprint to an esteem. Age 10 I started smoking cigarettes. By age 11, I was doing heroin, smoking pot and drinking A LOT. By age 19 I had a 5 year old son and my drug history exceeded a high level of crazy..Coke, drinking, prescription abuse, huffing paint, drinking bottles of cough syrup, heroin, meth, anything that would mess me up, ease my pain of life. Since I really had no love growing up I replaced love with drugs. Last hard drug I was on, meth...My story is a bit strange.. I was up for a good few days wired out on meth when out of nowhere I say, "I am pregnant". Of course everyone thought I was losing it but a few hours later I was so convinced I was that I handed my meth over to my ex husband and said its all yours I quit. I went to the doctor and got blood work and guess what? Only 3wks along and it barely detected it even. My doctor said it is impossible to know so early. I told him maybe God gave me a sign. Anyways, I am 30 now clean for 11yrs or so now and in all truth, I did it out of sheer will. I was doing meth for 3yrs or so too, mind you, so to just walk away in a moment of fear is a miracle. I now am remarried and have four kids and my daughter probably saved my life. So, no matter your excuses or reasons....The choice is yours in the end just how you wanna live or die....Thank you for listening..