Hi my name is Eric and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic

I began drinking in high school like so many people do. It was all about the social events and I truly believe that I never once cared for the taste of alcohol. I just wanted the effects that it produced. At the age of seventeen, I got my first o.w.i.. This was a very difficult time for me. I remember having to call my mother to come pick me up and I was beginning to feel the shame and remorse setting in the next morning. I was very afraid of the unknown and I told my mother that I wanted to kill myself. I suffered through the consequences of losing my license and paying a small fine and having to miss a couple of football games because I violated school policy. Fear kept me sober for some time after that but leaving high school and going on to college meant so much more freedom for me. I began drinking not just on the weekends but finding parties in the college town and while at school for one year I acquired two underage drinking tickets. Once again, fear kept me sober for awhile but that fear slowly passed as I wanted to continue to fill that empty void in me with still more booze. I quit school and began in the workforce doing electrical work and I got a pretty good understanding of that but the company I was working for went bankrupt. So, I decided to join the laborers union and began doing masonry work. I started to develop an attitude of "I work hard, so I should be able to play hard." And so began A LOT more drinking. I was beginning to drink anywhere from an 18 pack on up to a 30 pack of beer a night. I felt, I worked hard so I deserve it! This is when I began on my spree of A LOT of trouble with the law. I got my second and third O.W.I.'s in 2003 and was beginning to blackout a lot after a good night of alcohol. I wouldn't eat because I loved the effect that alcohol gave me and I wanted that effect as fast as possible. I ended up having to sit 68 days in jail for my third offense and I took all necessary AODA classes in order to get my license back. I was very compliant, basically a liar! I was fortunate enough to get the ankle bracelet and I know that I was drunk even on the first day home on that. I didn't care, I wanted that effect that alcohol produced. I was willing to take any and all risks to get it. I kept my job with Findorff and I went on drinking until my fourth o.w.i. which happened to be a very bad car accident. All I remember was waking up and handcuffed to a hospital bed. I knew I was in an accident but I just didn't know what sort of condition the lady was that I hit. She was taking her son home late at night and I was in a complete blackout when I hit her mini-van. Terror filled my whole body. I was more concerned with her safety than with my own.. Ya see, the nurses didn't know if I had broken my neck or not,,, and I just didn't care. I woke up the next morning to find my vehicle in the impound and a complete facial imprint in the windshield. I was very fortunate not to have broken my neck. Just a few months later I picked up another o.w.i. while out on a signature bond for my fourth. I was completely running scared and I did everything and anything to avoid family and friends. I was living in a motel 6 in janesville and I would retire every night with an 18 pack of bud light. I really don't know what I was thinking but I was just waiting for things to smooth over and not have to face the consequences of my actions.

Well, eventually the law will catch up with you and I had to serve nine months in rock county jail. I got out and this was the beginning of my "double life" like it is defined in the big book of a.a. I told all of my friends that I was going to stay sober and whenever I wasn't with them I was always drinking. This double life went on for almost two and a half years until my last o.w.i. And the day of my last drink. On october 31st 2008 I went to work and it was my birthday that weekend and I was going to drink. By this time, I was drinking a 30 pack of beer every night and I was always drinking by myself in my bedroom. Well, I had decided to go out to the bars and I drank myself into a complete blackout. The next thing I know I am waking up to a county sheriff knocking on my drivers side window. I drove across traffic down into a ditch where I passed out with my foot on the brake, truck in drive and I was about 50 ft from running into some tall pine trees! Something or someone saved me that night. I was incarcerated in the green county jail and that is where I stayed for five months until I went to prison. While in the green county jail, I began to learn about the program of alcoholics anonymous. I attended meetings as often as I could and I began to feel comfortable in my own skin without alcohol. I didn't know anything about the program but I wanted what all the volunteers had and that was freedom. I attended meetings all through my 20 month sentence and i completed a 6 month very intense treatment program. I learned alot about the program and I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I have to take responsibility for what i say and what I do. I have been sober now a little over four years and I have a great support system with my family and friends. The family that I avoided for so long was the first ones there for me when I went to prison. And now they are the ones that I hold dearest to my heart. I am so grateful for the program and my higher power and I just can't say enough about how great my life is getting ONLY because I have found a design for living that really works!!! I have just a little under a year left on my parole sentence and when I do complete it, I am planning on volunteering at a local prison to give back what was so freely given to me. I am grateful for so many blessings today in my life and I hope this story can help at least one person to see some similarities and have a willingness to change

thanks, Eric P.