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From one junkie to another...

Created by Anna

I want to try to keep this short and sweet as I know drug addicts tend to have short attention spans. I feel like I can say that because I am a true drug addict. Just because I am in a treatment program now does not give me a right to say I am a sober person. I am working on it. and its really hard. I started doing drugs when I was 16. Started by taking about 30 ephedrine pills in a sitting. They were called "two-ways". eventually that led to smoking pot, which led to ecstasy, which led to meth, to 5amt, to DMT, to LSD,to shrooms, to a severe cocaine addiction. The only thing I wouldnt do was stick a needle in my arm. I would smoke, snort, eat, or drink anything that would mess me up. I have even overdosed on belladonna (poison found in angel trumpet blossom petals). I quit for about 6 months when I moved out of town to my parents when I was 20. Cocaine found me. Literally. It came into my workplace and was offered to me by my manager who knew nothing of my past. I was back in the dope game. cocaine cocaine cocaine. I moved back into town by the time I was 21 and moved in with a close friend. He kept me straight. I would sneak the coke when I could. otherwise I just smoked pot. I smoked pot from 16 years old and?on.? never stopped. When I say straight, im not yet including pot. anyway, 21 years old, secret coke addiction, pot head, making tons of money running a marketing room.? The coke was getting difficult to hide so i slowly quit. ever so quickly I found my next new and most devastating love-- PAIN KILLERS. I went to the hospital with a messed up knee and was given a shot of something amazing and a prescription for percocets. that was it for me. I started dating a guy who eventually told me it was the opiates or him. I chose my pills, my duragesic patches and lollipops, my lies to any and every hospital to get that rush through my viens that I couldnt do to myself. somewhere in my brain, shooting up was wrong, but consuming the drug in every other way was fine. this continued on until I was 25. Oxycontin and Roxycontin being my drug of choice. along with my pot, occasional coke and ecstacy almost every weekend for about 5 years. one night after partying, so many pills had been up my nose, I went back to where we were partying to smoke out a friend that got me high on roxys. no answer at the door. the next day i knew something was wrong. the boyfriend at the time and I kept trying to get in touch with my friend of a couple years. this friend had spent the night prior feeding me pills and telling me how much he loved me. I called my brother (he was my favorite drug buddy) we went back to the friends house. adrenaline hit me and i kicked in his door. there he was. laying on the couch, TV replaying the opening dvd scene to a movie. DEAD. Dead. Dave was dead. i put my hand in his and it was freezing, solid as wood. I didnt call 911 right away. He was the guy we got our roxys from. My brother and I cleaned up shop. we left his regular meds, took his script of roxys and his valium. hid them. then i called 911. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT??? WE TOOK THE DRUGS BEFORE WE CALLED 911. its not like he couldve been revived. he clearly died shortly after we left his house. he didnt make it through the movie we started. but our priority was to rescue the drugs first. anyway a few months later, a new boyfriend, I was such a junkie.. death was knocking on my door every night. My 28 year old brother and 26yr old me, junkies, sharing a bedroom?at my parents house. taking turns being dopesick. lying, scamming, hustling, stealing, whatever we had to do to get our dope. I was told at 16yrs old i couldnt have kids though I desperately wanted them. 26yr old junkie me got pregnant. to this day I believe that I would have died within the week if i hadnt gone to the hospital for a fix and found out i was pregnant. The life inside me gave me the strength to quit. my pregnancy had no complications,? had a beautiful baby boy. by the time he was a month old, i was back in the game again. it took me nodding off and dropping my son about a foot and a half from a chair--more than once-- to realize i needed help. but I was to scared. luckily my dad caught my brother overdosing in the front seat of my dads SUV. his arm tied off, needle still in his skin, syringe hanging from his arm, passed out.? We came clean to my parents about everything. My brother found us a doctorr who works with opiate addicts. He found him on www.suboxone.com . we began the program together. I got pregnant again. had to stop the program as you can not take suboxone while pregnant. the first month was hell. I lost 12 lbs from withdrawal and?dopesickness. My brother stayed with the program. after my daughter was born, I wanted to get back on the suboxone. I didnt know that I could just be re-stabilized. I thought I had to go into withdrawal again. so I got high off some pain killers Roxys, vicoden,fentanyl patches and lollipops.? Luckily my Dr took me back. I have been on the program steadily for a full year now. I get drug tested mothly so I cant even smoke pot. everything changes. sights, sounds, perceptions.. most of all, priorities.I dont remember the first 6 months of my sons life and I can never go back. now every moment with them is a blessing. every giggle or tear, im here for them. Im alive for them. Im currently attending college for them. Im on my 8th day of not smoking cigs for them. and EVERYTHING I do is for them, they give back to me 10 fold. I truly have no interest in using ever again. I didnt have to do a 12 step program or go to a methadone clinic everyday. its one on one, and I have an amazing support system. my brother who was a worse junkie than me is now married to a beautiful, intelligent, sober woman. And I am furthering my education while raising my miracle children. I know how impossible it seems. I know the absolute FEAR of dopesickness. I have done things for drugs that make me ill to my core.? BUT IM LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE SURVIVED. IM LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE ALIVE. If you are taking the time to read this, you dont want to be a junkie anymore. you dont want to be dependent on a drug for sustainability in your life. You want to do something with your future. YOU CAN! Im not recovered yet, but im getting there. I havent done an illegal substance in over a year. I never want to look back. everytime i told myself that "after im clean, ill just use in moderation or at parties". DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY FOLKS. Success is in sobriety and you have to find it. you have to REALLY want it. I NEEDED it. and now I have it. Im a christian, but im not one of those "i put my life in Gods hands and he will heal me" types. I took control of my life and you can to. Soboxone is an incredible drug. it delivers morphine into the system, but not enough to get you high, and at the same time it delivers naloxone, a drug that basically kills off the receptors in your brain that crave opiates. and you only have to see a doctor once a month. Stay clean, and be productive. if you want it, you can do it. if there is any way i can help or if you have any questions regarding my experiences with different drugs and the different withdrawals, please feel free to email me at annamarie0821@gmail.com . Its usually not my thing to get on a site and talk about "my story". but the commercials got to me.? if my story gives just one person the strength and belief that recovery is possible, then I have served my purpose here. I wish everyone who reads this the absolute best of luck during your remission and recovery. The rewards are definetely worth the work. Good luck xo


This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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Comments

1. Emily
The doctor warns that you musn't mix Suboxone while using, because it will(logically)cease working. Like me, many ignore this warning. "My problem", now, is that after years of doing just this, Suboxone "NOW" makes me even sicker than the original withdrawals we fear. I've been desperate for months now.
2. Emily
I know the kind of patience it takes to do this level of sharing. It's what I'm referring to, when I say, thank you. Much appreciated..