I am Jason's mom. His death has been a nightmare to me - nothing anybody should ever have to endure. The pain of losing such a wonderful soul is beyond anything anyone could every imagine. When people say I can't imagine, I tell them they are right and I hope that they never have to endure that kind of pain.

Jason was a gift to me and to his brothers. We loved him and even though he was the youngest they looked up to him. He was caring, loving, sensitive, funny, creative, handsome, talented and happy to be alive. He loved me and I felt it. He hugged like no one I have ever met and that is one of many things that I miss. He never missed a day of telling me how much he loved me.

Jason's death shattered my soul, tore at my heart, and turned my life upside down. My life was before Jason and now after Jason. We will never be the same.

It will be ten years this Nov 3. Ten long heart breaking years without someone we adored - it is a crime.

This goverment can go to the moon and invade other countries but they can not stop illegal drugs from coming into our country - this is bull.

Jason was a rising star in his profession, a gifted artist with an amazing life ahead of him. He had wonderful friends and was loved. Boy, was he loved...

On Oct 31,1998, Jason invited a girl that he had loved from the time he was 13 to visit him in Berkeley. He was doing well. He had used drugs while they were together and knew the only way he could get clean was to end the relationship. He ended it and begged us to not let her know his whereabouts.

We did as he asked for 11 months and he had no contact.

In the middle of October, I was home taking care of my mom who had  open heart surgery. His phone records showed he tried to reach me and could not. He tried to reach his step father on Maui and could not. He tried to reach his brother in California and could not. So his next choice was to reach Alyson in Arizona. Alyson Hodge's father Tony said, "oh Jason was bringing her out to put her in treatment.."

I believe he was lonely and proud of what he had accomplished and wanted her to see his life. Well I got a call that Jason was in very serious condition. I was in CT he was in California.

to be continued....