I can not even begin to describe the guilt I feel about my cousin's death. Michelle and I were like sisters growing up. Even though we didn't live close to each other, we still managed to speak on a regular basis.?And, we managed to?see enough of each other to be super close.
I can remember the first time Michelle told me she tried Heroin. We were about sixteen. How could I have told her it was a bad decision, when at sixteen I was making a whole lot of bad decisions myself? So, I brushed it off like nothing.
As the years passed, Michelle was just getting worse. She was using on a regular basis and she was in and out of rehab?centers. Then she met a guy who got her sober and pregnant. She married at the age of nineteen and had a beautiful healthy baby boy. We all thought that was the end of the drug use.
Michelle seemed so happy, but she wasn't. Michelle began using again. She was constantly overdosing and ending up in one facility after another. There was nothing anyone could do for her. Not even her child.
I remember getting the last call that Michelle was in rehab because of an overdose. I can remember thinking to myself, the next call I get is that she is dead. Sure enough, about a week and half later, Michelle got kicked out of rehab and went home. She had some friends over and that is when the story gets twisted.
Michelle passed away that night she left rehab. I do not know if she had overdosed, or if she had a reaction from the drugs that she had been taking to stop the pain of the withdrawal. I will never know.
Michelle was twenty-two years old and it has been four years since she has passed. I still cannot get this guilt out of my head. When someone is so addicted to drugs, there is nothing anyone can do for them. They can only help themselves. I know Michelle is happy now and at peace. I love you my dear cousin and I will never forget you.