My little brother was a comedian; I always thought that he missed his calling by not being a comedian. It seemed like no matter how sad the moment was, he could find a way to lighten the mood and make everyone smile again. He was just a lot of fun to be around. He was kind and so thoughtful, always worried about everyone. He loved us all and liked seeing us all happy. My little Brother was a tormented sole. He had a heart of gold and demons of addiction that were consistently at war with him. He loved his family. Most of all, his beautiful children Shelby 15, Jake 11, Nicholas 7, and Dale 3. He loved to laugh and make those around him laugh, even the police officers liked him and would ask us how he was doing. Everyone we knew was praying for his recovery. Full of hope that he could make it out of his addictions and have a good life. He lost his best friend in a motorcycle accident involving drunk driving when he was 17. He was depressed and self medicating with drugs for the remainder of his life. When he was sober he couldn't face the things he had done when he was under the influence. He would have to steal things from family members to support his addictions. Our Mother never gave up on him, she spent every dime she had trying to help him, love him and support him only to find out she was supporting his addictions. He was never a violent type person even when he was under the influence and if you had known him when he was little you would know that he was not a thief either, but his addictions would drive him to do things that he never would have done otherwise. When he would go to rehab and get clean he would be forced to reckon with those things, but couldn't live with knowing what he had done to the people he loved the very most. He would then go right back to numbing himself with his addictions. He was murdered on April 7th of 2009 at the age of 39. His murder is still under investigation. I loved my little brother very much. I wish he could have seen whatwe all knew, that the things he had done were not of him but of his Addiction. I wish he could have known how many people showed up in love at his funeral. I wish he could have loved himself the way we all loved him. I wish his sons had their father and that he would someday walk Shelby down the aisle to meet her husband. I wish he could have seen that he was forgiven, he was loved, and he was worth the fight and worth hanging on too.
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