My son and only child, Jeremy, ended his life in March 2002. He was 20 years old. Jeremy was a good kid, he had a good heart and he loved his family and friends. The past few years had been tough for him as it is with most teenagers. He started drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana and eventually smoking crack. My son felt he could fight this battle with crack on his own. I could not help him because he was considered an adult and if he wanted help he would have had to go himself, I could not admit him into detox or rehab. He did okay for a while; he went to night classes to try to get his GED so he could join the military. He missed receiving his GED by two points on his reading exam. I believed if he would have been accepted into our Armed Forces without his GED, he would have overcame his unwanted addiction to crack and became one of the few and proud in the Armed Forces. My son was controlled and abused by the drugs that consumed him. He did things that he would have never done. He ended up in trouble with the law and what he had told me was that he was helping the State Police to bring down some dealers in our area in exchange for a lesser charge. Jeremy told me very little about what was going on. He always tried to protect me and he hated what he was doing. I never spoke with the police until they came to question me about Jeremy's death. There was speculation that someone was there with Jeremy or someone may have helped him or someone possibly did this to him and made it look like suicide. But with the drugs and the trouble he was in, it was considered a self-hanging. I had told him that day as I gave him a ride over to his dad’s place that, I loved him no matter what and that I couldn't help him out of his troubles, but that I prayed for him all the time and I handed him over to God. So no matter what the outcome of his troubles that God would take care of him and he would be all right. I loved Jeremy with all my heart and he knew this. When he got out of the vehicle he told me 2 times, "I love you Mom, I really love you." I had told him that I loved him too. Little did I know that these would be the last words I would ever hear from my son. His father found Jeremy in March 2002, in his father's garage. Jeremy had hung himself. Jeremy knew not what he was doing; the coroner said he had cocaine and marijuana in his system an hour before his time of death. I believe God was there that night to lift him up and give him the peace he was so desperately seeking. My heart aches with pain and sorrow. My pain also comes from not being able to save my son, or to help him. All I ever wanted was for him to be happy, responsible and be able to make it out there in this world. He was such a beautiful spirit. Thank you for your time in reading my story of the loss of my son.