As John's mom, the most important part of my life began when he was born. He was taken from me because of a liver problem, placed in intensive care, tied down, blindfolded and kept naked under a sunlamp for 12 days after his birth. The impact of this birth trauma stayed with him throughout his life. He was placed on medication for his behavior at the age of five, and that began a way for John to cope with the damage to his nervous system. Although pot and alcohol were usually enough to keep him "OK", once he was exposed to pain medication after a severe knee operation, a new high was achieved and looked for. John was trying to get away from drugs but it seemed an impossible task to do on his own. He asked for help. He wanted to move back home and go away where no one could find him. On the night before his homecoming, mistakes were made and he never made it home, at least not to the home we thought. Instead he went to Heaven where he watches out for his friends and family. Now that several years have passed, I realize there is NO SUCH THING AS DEATH. John is more alive now than ever as he plays the role of guardian angel to his family and friends