My wonderful, handsome, loving, caring, funny brother was such a great person. It took only a couple of minutes of knowing my brother to really, really love him. He was such a wonderful human being and was the least judgmental person I have ever known. Kev struggled with drugs for so long and in the end the drugs won. I still think of that night when I got the call from my brother Tom, who found his brother, the man he looked up to all his life. I remember laying in bed hearing the phone ring at 11:30 at night. Thinking who is calling this late. I let the answering machine pick it up. It is my sister in law, she is saying, " Ang pick up the phone Ang, pick up the phone. Kev's od'ed again and we don't think he is going to make it." I laid there in bed listening to that message thinking this is going to be another time that Kev has od'ed and he is going to go to the hospital and tell everyone he is sorry. I debated, should I wait till the morning? I have to get up and go to work, I just got my baby down to bed, but then I thought well I will call now because I do have to go to work the next morning. I picked up that phone and called back. My brother Tom answered the phone, Kev lived with Tom, and I said "What's going on?" He said, "He's gone Ang." I think my mind just went blank. See, when she had called he had already been dead. I started screaming, “Tom maybe he's just sleeping, please Tom go back in there and wake him up, please Tom.” He kept saying, “He's gone, he's gone!” I had told my self over the years that this was going to be the way my brother died. This was going to kill him, but I don't think that my heart ever believed it. I never once did it pass my mind when I got that call that he would be gone. Never. He was loved by so many people. His sister Julie, his brother's Steve and Tom and me his sister Angela. We still can't believe we will never see him again, that he is no longer part of this earth. My mother wonders when the pain will get any better, when she will be able to breathe again. My father cries everyday, and he is a man that doesn't cry. We all wonder what if, why didn't we do this, or do that. Kev was a wonderful shining star in our lives and everyone he met. Even his sponsor who has said for 20 years if you wanted it, it can happen said he has changed his mind because Kev really, really wanted it but couldn't do it. His sponsor who would never get to close to anyone after one guy he sponsored died of a drug overdose said he would never get close to anyone else became close with Kev. He would say I couldn't not be close to him, he was such a great guy. Now I have people coming up to me telling me that my brother was a great guy, and that they really, really liked him. And I think yes, he was a really great guy he just had this one problem he couldn't beat. He took care of his family and friends. He was there no matter what when you needed him. Everyday is so hard without him. We are such a close family and there is always going to be one missing. We flew to Florida to spread his ashes and took pictures of it, but I look at the pictures and he's not in them. We all know and feel a part of us is missing. And we all feel like we are never going to be the same again.