Ryan was born nine months after me, almost to the day. We grew up together through holidays and summer vacations with our grandparents. My favorite memory of Ryan is when we were kids and we would spend a week with our grandparents. We spent most of our time in their pool, jumping off the deck, making crazy motions and impersonations as we went. Ryan was always happy and full of life in those moments...not like he was when he was on drugs.
Ryan's death has turned my world upside down. I never knew I could hurt so bad or miss someone so much. I never thought I could be angry and hurt and sad all at the same time. I get upset that he'll never grow up, he'll never have kids, get married, live a life. I'm mad that I didn't do more to show that I love him.
I remember Ryan in everything I do. I visit him the only way I can once a month. My biggest fear is forgetting him.