I met Matt when I was 15 years old at a local coffee shop. He just walked up to me and said, “Hey my name is Matt and I'm gay.” He was gay and proud. Me and Matt stayed friends over the years while he was on and off of drugs. I was never sure exactly what all drugs he did because I was not a user. My husband and I (boyfriend at the time) moved in with Matt about six months before he passed. I was pregnant and we needed a place to stay for a little while, so he opened his arms to us. Matt was doing really well while we were there but our stay was only temporary. He was off of drugs while we were with him. I think our being there made it easier for him because he always had somebody to talk to when he wanted to relapse. We stayed with him for about a month but then my man went to jail and my mom wanted me to move back in with her and my dad -- so I did. After we were gone Matt started going downhill. Matt came with me to a few visitations at the jail and we hung out some and then by the time my man got out of jail we saw less and less of Matt. He lived an hour away from us so it was difficult to spare the gas to go see him and vice versa. The last time I talked to Matt, he told me he was in trouble because he owed his dealer money. I didn't have money for him so we went our separate ways and I never got to see him or talk to him again. I tried calling but his phone was cut off. About a month later he died. He had a gun shot wound to the temple. They say that it was suicide but I have a hard time making myself believe that. He was in a crowded apartment -- his drug dealer's apartment and he was found in the bathroom. It was said that nobody heard anything -- no gun shot, no nothing. I feel it in my heart that all of it is a lie. My Matt was murdered. Even his psychiatrist told his mom that Matt was not capable of killing himself. Matt was afraid of guns also. Matt was cremated so I feel like there will never be any closure. I know that it is not my fault that he died but I keep telling myself that I shouldn't have left him or that I should have went to see him more or called more but I didn't. Matt was so excited that I was having a baby but now he will never get to see my son, Benjamin, grow up, and my son will never get to meet the guy that meant so much to me. It will be 2 years at the end of March and I still cry when I think about him.
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