As I travel through this process of grieving, I find that what I say about losing my son changes with the stage of grief I am in. Having said that, I will attempt to tell of the incredible love I have for my son and how that love has no person to touch or hold in this side of Heaven. I will attempt to tell how grief over the death of my son is an incredibly painful change in my life that I am still not willing like, in fact I hate it.
David was a beautiful baby boy who grew to be a clever little boy who grew to be a handsome young man. He was always a thinker and a hands-on and hands-in-everything person. He was never afraid of anything so we never knew what he was up to. He liked to experiment with "stuff" and as a boy, he would make 'potions' by mixing things together to see what would happen. He loved video games from the time he was very young and it grew as he grew.
David was the only boy between two girls -- a sister 14 months older and another 9 years younger. They loved each other and hated each other as brothers and sisters do. But mostly they loved each other. David was tall, blond, quite good looking, and very smart. He could talk to anyone and his last job was as a salesman. He loved that job and the people he worked with. He loved talking to customers and making new friends and he was very good at it.
Our family fought the battle of drugs and the drug culture for years -- always loving him yet being so angry. We didn't know what to do with all the anger. We supported him emotionally when were able to, we visited him in whatever program or facility he was in, changed our lives around and gave up a lot in life for him. We were always thinking it was just a matter of time and he was going to be on the other side of this obstacle in his path. We were optimistic and looking forward to that awesome day.
Although drugs were a problem, having enough friends was never one of David's problem -- having enough sincere, true friends did prove to be a problem for David. I have learned that drug dependency does not promote true friendships, but rather creates lots of "fair weather friendships". These friendships are not based on trust or compassion, but on self-indulgence and fear. He did however, have a few close friends and one or two he could truly count on. One of those close friends found David after he died. I can't imagine the crushing hurt that caused him.
It's hard to wrap my head around a person's willingness to continue doing drugs that will maybe....cause their death. I have not been able to spend a whole day without crying or getting to the point of tears. I find myself moving aimlessly through life, sitting, staring, without thinking. Most days I would prefer to sit and not think. I miss him so much and there is no word known to man that expresses that. In fact there are no words at all that make any difference in the way I feel.
But I do know that my God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. He supplied all of David's greatest needs by providing a Savior who only asks that you trust Him to tell you the truth. David fought a Goliath (drugs) so large he could no longer keep up the fight, so the Lord Jesus showed up at David's apartment one day late in September of 2006, took him by the hand, and walked David home to Glory. I find comfort in knowing that one day we will see him again. At that reunion we will find David healthy, strong, and filled with joy beyond our mortal imaginations.
If you are reading this memorial, I pray that you stay alive long enough to trust Jesus to tell you the truth and make Him a TRUE lifelong friend of yours. A friend who will stick closer than a brother. Since we don't know how long any of us has here in this life, why not talk to Him now. It's easy....you talk -- Jesus listens.
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