I first met Carol New Years Eve, 2002. We were introduced by her cousin, a friend's wife. We went to a company party with her cousin and husband. I thought she was cute and we had a lot in common. I had been in recovery for about 2 years and was ready to start dating.
Caroltold me that she drank a little and had one or two drinks that night. I took her to an all night eatery after the party and we exchanged phone numbers. We started dating and I discovered that she was a heavy drinker and also had problems with her back and neck. She took pain medication, psychological meds and got falling down drunk a few times. We talked about it and she said she would stop drinking. She did stop (as far as I know for a long time).
Carol continued with the pills.I continued seeing her and eventually we moved in together. There were 3 times when Carol overdosed on various medications. Two of the times she was rescued by calling 911. The hospital saved her life both times. We had a happy relationship otherwise and shared a love of the same rock groups. Our favorite song was by the Eagles, Love Will Keep Us Alive. We eventually moved from GA to southern FL. She was not happy in FL and let me know it constantly.
In an attempt to make her happier I used the internet to track down her son and daughter from a previous marriage. Her daughter was doing great and had a happy family life. Her son was in jail. Carol managed to arrange his release and went to MS to bring him back. He agreed to live in a sober house and follow the rules.
When he came back with her I realized he still had major problems. He shortly moved his girlfriend in to live with us. They were both in their early 20s and wild. They ended up destroying the apartment complexes property and were evicted.
I then discovered that Carol had picked up drinking again and was using pills out of control. She was passed out most of the time when I came home from work and our love life disappeared almost completely. I told her that something had better change and she again complained that she missed her family and friends in GA. I encouraged her constantly to get out of the house and do something beside take pills. I asked her repeatedly to come to meetings with me, she refused.
A month later she said she wanted to go visit her son and his girlfriends. I took her to the airport. I kept asking her if she was coming back and she kept saying yes.Less than a week later she was on the phone telling me she wanted to break up with me. She called back 2 days later saying she had changed her mind and wanted me to buy her a ticket to come back. I told her no, that she had broken up with me and that I couldn't take her back.
We argued for weeks about her coming back. I told her I loved her but couldn't put up with her drug and alcohol abuse anymore. She ended up moving from MS to GA and was staying with her cousin that had introduced us. She swore that she was ready for rehab and wanted to come back. We were on speaking terms (without screaming). She swore her love for me and said she was taking an active hand in stopping abusing her medications.
On a Saturday evening I got a call from her cousin. Carol had died.The medical examiner eventually ruled her death accidental from a lethal combination of too many of her pain pills and a new antidepressant.
There isn't a day I don't think about her and I still do love her. I will have 8 years of sobriety in April. I hate the empty spot in the bed. I pray and cry for her and hope that she finally is living without pain. Love didn't keep her alive; she loved the pills more than life and more than me. May she rest in peace. I miss her so much.
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