Melissa was my older sister. The day she left me, I thought my life was over. My sister and I were really close. Now that she's gone, it is hard for me to wake up every morning knowing I am going to have to face people in the world that have the same addiction as she had. I may only be 16, but I have learned a lot in my 16 years. One thing in life I will never do is drugs. I don't want any one to hurt because of me, the way I hurt when my sister died. It was a horrible experience that no one should ever have to go through. I was 13 when my sister passed away. It was the hardest thing in my life to go through. There were days when I wondered why she didn't come home. I thought maybe she didn't love me anymore, or maybe she didn't care about me and the family. As I got older I realized that she didn't just not come home for days at a time because she didn't love me, she didn't forget about me, and she didn't hate me. She had an addiction. It was hard growing up without her there by my side all the time. I remember saying to her, "Sissy when I get bigger, I want to be just like you". She used to smile and say, "Now Aub, you don't want to be like me. You want better for yourself. You need to go to college. You need to stay in school, and you need to wait until you get out of school to have a baby". I would just look at her and wonder why she didn't want me to be like her. I thought she had everything. She had a boyfriend, a baby, a house, a car. She had everything a child could ever want. But yet again as I got older I watched her stumble through life. She crashed all the cars she ever had. She had to move all the time because she couldn't pay bills. She was always in fights, and she was always in and out of the hospital. Melissa had a daughter. Her name is Myra. She was 5 when her mother, my sister, passed away. Myra and her mom were home alone. They took a nap. Myra woke up, went up stairs, and saw her mom lying on the floor. She had pills all around her and there was vomit from where her body tried to deny the substance. Myra tried to wake her up but had no luck. A few hours later, Melissa's boyfriend came home. Myra said "I can't wake up mommy. She's upstairs". Her boyfriend rushed up to the room to find her lying on the floor dead. I remember the hospital calling my house. My mom answered the phone, then she hit the floor. I didn't know what was going on. My mom and dad left and were gone for about an hour. When they got home they had Myra with them. As soon as I saw Myra, I knew what had happened. I ran into the house, layed on my bed, and cried for days. June 13th was her funeral and it was the hardest thing in my life to do. I got to the funeral home, saw her picture in the door way and I lost it. I couldn't believe she was really gone. I walked in the funeral home and turned the corner and saw her feet in the casket. I ran the other way. I couldn't take seeing my sister laying there in front of me dead. I pulled myself together and walked back into the funeral home with my head down. Amazing Grace came on and I looked up and saw her face and lost control of myself again. The only way I could keep myself calm was by telling myself that it wasn't really her laying in the casket. It was a doll that looked like her and that she wasn't really dead. She was in the back of the funeral home looking at how her funeral would be if she didn't quit using drugs. In my heart I knew that wasn't true. I just had to keep telling myself she was going to get better and come home just so that I could keep calm. I write about my sister all the time. It seems like over the past 3 years she's all I really think about sometimes. One of the poems I have written is called "Although" and it goes like this... "Although" Although you were laid to rest, I want you to know you were the best. I miss you like crazy and you don't understand All our memories I hold in a can I wish you never had to go Now I am feeling very low To bad your still not here I don't think I can do this another year The days get easier but you'll never fade away I won't listen to a word of what people have to say Some may forget your name But me, I have your pictures in a frame I will never forget you no matter how hard I try And if I ever said I did, that would be a lie.
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