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In memory of Steven Parker

Created by Family Of Steven Parker

Steven Parker

Steven was my only brother, my only sibling. We grew up in a military family, and moved all the time. We were always leaving friends behind, but we always had each other. I love my brother very much. I was five years older than him, so I was always "in charge". I had to look out for him, baby sit for him, and be the "big sister". Steven always seemed to have a hard life. He didn't know what he wanted to do. He had no way to pay for college, he worked at jobs he hated, and he was lonely a lot. He got in some trouble with the law when he was a teenager, and that just haunted him the rest of his life. It is hard when you have a criminal record that follows you wherever you go, forever. It makes it hard to get a good job later down the road. It just messes up your whole life. Steven so desperately wanted to turn his life around. He was afraid of making me and our mom disappointed in him. He cared a lot about what we thought about him. Steven suffered from depression. He wanted to get help for that, but he had no insurance. It seemed that there was no one willing to help him, or direct him to any kind of help. I think that is one of the reasons that Steven turned to drugs and alcohol. I remember him admitting to me that he had done every drug out there and I was shocked, and yet somehow I just knew. But the thought of him using heroin just really hurt me. The thought of needle marks on his arms just makes me sick. I was afraid my brother would die. I knew what a dangerous life he was leading. Every time I wouldn't hear from him for a few days, I would start to worry. He was living in Seattle and the drugs were just rampant. He finally couldn't take it anymore. He was afraid for his life and missed his family, so he moved back to the east coast. He stayed for about 5 months. During that time, Steven was clean from heroin and cocaine. We saw each other at least once a week. We hung out, we went to the movies, we went the mall, we wentout to eat, and we just had fun. But I think he started to miss Seattle and the drugs. It was like a magnet and he insisted on moving back. I remember telling my mom, "I'm afraid that if he moves back there, I will never see him again", and I was right. I got the call when I was driving with my 3 kids in the car to go see their grandma. My mom called me and sounded upset; she said I needed to come over. I asked her if it was about Steven, and she said, "Why? Did you talk to him?" She sounded weird, frantic, but calm. I knew something was wrong because she wouldn't tell me over the phone and she said, "Honey, just come over." I remember walking into her house and she just had this look on her face. She had a look of shock, sadness, and pity. She didn't want to be the one to tell me. My step-dad brought me into the living room and made me sit down, and said "Steven died." The week that followed went by in a hazy flash. We had to "tour" cemeteries, look at casket catalogs, buy memorial flowers, and pick out clothes for my brother to be buried in. And then we had to see him, lying in a casket. They put so much make-up on Steven so he would have a "natural" appearance. They sealed his lips shut. His skin was so terribly cold. I wanted to go home, but it was so hard to leave him. I didn't want to say goodbye. That was the last time I ever saw my brother. It has been two months exactly and I still can't believe it. It is so hard to accept. I think about him everyday. Sometimes I expect him to call me, and then I remember he is gone. I am so incredibly sad, but I still have to be a wife, and a mother, and that can be difficult when experiencing so much pain. Steven was a drug addict. But he didn't deserve to die. He was funny, and quiet, and thoughtful. He loved animals, and cartoons. He loved Christmas and music. He loved his family. He was my brother. He is my brother.


This Memorial was created to commemorate a loved one's life and to let other families know they can turn to the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids for help when struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page to increase awareness of substance use disorders and to provide hope and healing for others.

Guest Book

Comments

1. Valerie Henry
Your memorial made me cry. I lost my brother 3 years ago. The last thing he said was, "Can me and my friend use your bathroom", and I told him no because shooting up those pills would kill him. He said, "It's Ok, I'll be back later, love you!" The next morning the police came to tell me he was gone. I miss him so much. He was my only brother and my friend. I was using meth in the months preceding and following his death. It was only through a huge support system that I g
2. Kim Geisinger
I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss. I have lost friends to addiction but not anyone as close as my siblings. However, I am watching my two children and brother kill themselves with drugs and alcohol. The only thing that seems to help is Alanon meetings. And with all that worry I need to be an employee, wife, mother, sister daughter and friend to many when I really feel like dying myself at times. Alanon helps deal with the emotions and pain of someone else's choices.
3. Pamela Arnold
First, thank you for your kind words to me. It means a lot to know that people who never met my brother or my family cares. I just want to tell you that telling Steven's story is so important, I know it was hard. I hope you draw some solace from knowing you are not alone and that somewhere someone is reading your brother's story to their child or realizing that they need help. Steven Cowan's sister
4. Jillian Maloney Friend Of Pierce Anderson
Dear Kelly, I am so sorry to hear about your brother. But he is in a better place. When it's sunny out, just do what I do and think about how it is him shining down on you and your family. Let that be an example for your children. And keep telling your story. Hopefully it might save a life. You're in my prayers.
5. Angela Gwynn Mother Of Dallas Nguyen
Kelly, I am so deeply sorry about the loss of Steven. No, none of these beautiful people deserved to die. They were beautiful, all of them. It will be one year ago on July 12th I lost my son Dallas to heroin. The sadness never goes away. Steven will always be your brother. Forever. I want you to reach out for the hands that are here. There are so many of us. Too many. You are never alone. I wish you peace, I wish you love, from Seattle.
6. Milissa Shuman Cousin Of Jennifer Dickson
Kelly, I am sorry, so sorry, to hear about your brother. I lost my cousin a little over a week ago, and my brother is a heroin addict as well. I am so scared that I will get "the call." Sometimes I can hardly sleep because I am so worried. This is a hard road to follow. I wish there was something out there to ease the pain, but I haven't found it. I hope we all do or can get past this tragedy someday. My thoughts are with you and your family.
7. Jackie Fulcher
I think about him everyday too. He had the best heart in the world. I wish that things didn't have to be so hard for him in his life. There will be nights when I just wait for him to call me because we haven't talked in a while, and then I remember it can't happen. I can't even take his phone number out of my phone. Everyone says time makes things easier and eventually it does, but it is still hard to believe. I wish that I could save all my time up now and rewind it.
8. John Kelly Sean Patrick's Dad
Kelly and Family - You are all in my daily prayers. I wish I could say the pain gets easier, but I can't yet. Steven sounds like a great warm hearted person. One thing to remember is the joy he brought to you and hold it tight to your heart. He is in a much better palce and isn't suffering the pain of addiction any longer. Keep telling your story and may god bless you and Steven.
9. Kelly Scott
Steven, OH GOD I miss you so much! Everyday it's like I re-live the day I found out you died over and over again. I can't stop thinking about that day. I just can't believe your gone...I don't know how to believe it. I am so sad. I go to your grave all the time. I will never get over this loss. No one should ever have to experience this kind of pain, the pain of suddenly losing a loved one to Heroin. I pray for your soul Steven, I miss you every minute of everyday. Always, your sister...