Chris was my only child, and my best friend for many many years. Chris had a heart of gold, and was super loyal to friends and family. He loved with a deep passion and a wise old soul.He carried the weight of the world on his broad shoulders yet he was always there when anyone needed him. With a compassionate ear and an awesome sense of humor Chris could get anyone in a better mood.I was only 17 when I gave birth to Chris, we grew up together, and struggled a LOT, but we always made it work somehow, and never gave up. We made the best with what we had, and he truly knew how to appreciate the simple things in life.Around the age of 17 Chris began to change, life was a constant battle for him at every turn. In high school, Chris turned to weed as an escape from the demons in his head-self medicating for depression, anger issues, anxiety, ADHD, and insomnia. At the age of 18 Chris was living on his own near the outskirts of DC, working a landscaping job, supporting a non-working girlfriend, and selling weed on the side to pay his and her bills. They were an interracial couple in a wealthy area and problems arose. Their apartment was robbed, girlfriend possibly raped, a confrontation was planned, perhaps a set-up...There was Chris, the girlfriend, an anonymous guy, a baseball bat, a kitchen knife, and the guy that used it to kill my son. Of all places, he was stabbed in his heart and left this earth on July 21, 2003.There is MUCH to the story I will never know, and can only speculate about. I try to accept it is not for me to know, not now anyhow.It has taken me 4 years to be able to use the word "stab", 3 years to not go into PTSD reactions at using a knife, catching a glimpse of a stabbing on tv, and just talking about it.It's hard to sum up the last 4 years and how it's been for me without Chris. I have changed so much since then... Needless to say, his death destroyed me for the major part of 3 years. Chris has continued to be a part of my life in many ways. Through honoring him I learn to walk this journey day by day, with other grieving parents on their own journey through the loss of a child.I think most parents struggle with guilt and feel they could have, should have done more, and maybe their child would have been spared. I am one of those parents. My passion and future now lies in making my son proud, by helping other grieving parents. Chris has led me on this journey, until we meet again.