It is hard for me to talk about her addiction. Watching myself type and trying to come up with the right words to describe her is surreal. Sometimes I still feel like I am living a nightmare.
My sister was the most loving, caring soul you could ever meet. You could feel the love radiating from her when she hugged you. Her character drew you in. There wasn't a soul that didn't love this girl and the passion she shared about life. I will never forget her smile or the beautiful sound of her voice. She could light up a room with her beauty and make everyone laugh with her jokes. She always tried to make people smile. She loved little children and one day wanted some of her own. There wasn't anything she wouldn't try to give you if she thought you needed it. She was an awesome painter, poetry writer, and dancer. She loved music and her energy vibrated like no other.
She died almost 4 years ago and I still live with the pain. Heroin took her life, dissolved it, and left our family incomplete. We will never be the same without her here.
Growing up, Nicole wasn't just a sister; she was everything to me. She was my hero.
We were blood sisters and a year and a half apart. We shared the same birth month and only 5 days separating our birthdays that we always shared the same birthday cake. We shared the same room, the same clothes, the same laugh, the same creative passion and love for life and love for each other.
Nicole started drinking and experimenting with marijuana in high school. I never really thought anything of it because she looked in control of her life. From the outside she looked like a person you wanted to be.
I never knew that after high school her drug use would continue and one day, we would lose her. She was so good at hiding her drug addiction that most of us didn't know what she was abusing until it was too late.
She was up front about her addiction to heroin after it took control of her body and checked herself into rehab on numerous occasions. As many times as she checked herself in, she relapsed. The temptations and people always made it back in her life.
I don't know for sure but her drug habit was around 100 dollars a day. Heroin was something I heard about in the movies and when my parents told me about it, I felt sick to my stomach. We did everything we could to fight for her life for 4 straight years. It was a battle and heroin was defeating us.
I don't know who introduced Nicole to heroin but she started shooting up somewhere around 2001 (maybe earlier) until her final death in October of 2004.
I wished she was never addicted to drugs. I wish I cold have told her one more time how much I loved her and that I was proud to be her sister.
I wished I could have hugged her one last time because I never got to tell her goodbye.
Nicole sweetheart, I love you more than you will ever know and I am lucky that you were born my sister for as long as I had you. Your life meant everything to your family. The battle was too strong for you. Heroin may have taken your life but it can't take the love that I will always have for you in my heart.
Until our souls meet again, I'll be thinking of you.
Your little sister,
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