My mother had 7 children; 5 boys and two girls. When we were younger she had a problem with drugs and pills. She would always get clean and then quickly relapse. Sadly, this happened throughout my whole life. She did do things in the best way she thought possible for us kids by giving some of us up for adoption to good homes and giving a couple of us to my grandmother (god rest her soul ). My mother had a hard life herself. When she was younger and started having children young and she just wasn't ready for all of it. I remember always crying for her and she was never there when I needed her the most, especially as a teen. Then, when I was 18, I heard that she was doing good. She had been clean for 8 years and was working in a rehab facility for a couple of years in Lynn, Ma. I had gotten set up to meet her again and I did. I was scared and overwhelmed at the same time; I hadn't seen my mother since I was 8years old. I didn't blame her at first and then with more visits came more of the blame. Then more of my siblings came around to meet her and she just went down hill from there. It started with drinking, then pills, then cocaine, and finally heroin that took her soul and then her life. I HATE YOU HEROIN! I knew her for a year before she died. She passed away 9 days after I gave birth to my daughter Elianna. Her death was awful. She had been dead all night long and had died in the bed with my little brother Conor. Half of her body was on top of him when my step father found her bleeding from the mouth and nose. My little brother has never been the same. I am so blessed that she had met my daughter and held her tight a couple of times. The day before my mother died she wanted me to hang out with her and I said no because she was high. I regret this everyday of my life. It is so hard to go to her grave. She wasn't the best mother at all, but I knew she loved me and she just had problems. I have been affected by this tragic loss and illness for so long. My best friend is also addicted to heroin and I pray everyday that he will get clean and that I don't have to see him in the ground as well. I don't think I would be able to go on if that happens to me.
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