Christina N. Stamper-Ritchie
My name is Christina Ritchie, but I was born Christina Stamper, and i'm a child of God and a grateful recovering addict while being diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia, multiple personality's (DID), with bipolar, anxiety, depression, childhood trauma, and was once the soul of the lost in a world that I had learned to create when I was young. Living in the world where I was whoever I wanted to be. No-one could tell me differently and I found that becoming an adult I could do what I wanted to do everyday if I just snorted this thin white line, just don't get caught. Later I found all the people that was once like me and easy to get what I wanted. The addiction took hold of me and I was in it for the long haul, I wanted that feeling every time, I wanted no responsibilities, I wanted that numbness and have no feelings unless it was the feelings that I wanted to have! and God forbid if there came a time where I felt an emotion that I didn't want. I walked around angry all the time, like the world owed me what all those childhood memories of low self worth took from me.
I gave up my life thousands of times over and over, just to find rest. The voices in my head were becoming too hard to bear they all said things that I didn't really want to do, my yes's were no's and my no's were yes's. I was physically stuck in a realm that I created and had no chance to break out of the hamster wheel. I got clean for a while and then lost my youngest to DCBS, I just want to stop and Praise God for keeping me sober minded long enough to do the best thing in her interest, Araya~Sunshine Gracie Hope Ritchie got to have the love of a family that could support her physically mentally and spiritually to enhance her life and wouldn't tear into the amount of generational curses that would have drug her down the road of addiction and mental health problems that both of her parents live with on a day to day basis.
Mental Health fuels Addiction, at-least in my case.
It wasn't until I felt with my whole heart that I was done, now yes there are days when I feel like using and there are days, were I don't and having more than one person in your head is quite hard to stick with one goal or answer. However, as I was standing in the persons garage that I didn't even know that had become my home, I looked up and my heart cried out, I don't even know if the sirens that were coming from the walls were real or not. MY REALITY AND IMAGINATION were both I got to the point were I didn't know if there was a person in front of me or it was in my head, I was drowning and I wanted something different.
After trying to meet one at Hardees to talk to someone to ground myself back to earth the DETECTIVES got to him first so, I just started to walk town. It didn't take long for me to noticed I was being followed. So after sitting on a church porch and waited for them to leave, I started the walk back not sure of where I was going. As I got closer to the library I noticed they were on my tail again, so not knowing what I was gonna do I follwed the alley to the end and i ended up right next to a catholic church right across the street from the police department.
I went in with a heavy heart, but I told God everything in my head. I don't even know if everything made since or not to them, but God heard my cry for help, within two days I was out of Indiana and planted in Kentucky. I was uprooted overnight once again and was rescued from something that would have killed me. Now I get to help others that suffer from mind boggling thoughts and feeling trapped in addiction. God turned what I went through and my story and turned it into power. The Glory of my Recovery is HIS. He turned my addiction of self loss into another season of addiction and mental health with fuel to free the lies and the disorders that most mental health sufferers face. To show that they are not their ancestors and breaking the chains won't be easy but if you follow it fully you can recover even though you might have the mental health to live with the rest of your life but it doesn't have to be your hurdle that keeps you from achieving sobriety
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