My lost of hope
I saw something good in this one person. Mostly I saw what no one else could see. The boy was on heroin. His mother passed away from a overdose. His life went downhill. I showed love and care to that one guy. I saw him dope sick. I saw everything. I helped him by supporting his habit. Little did I know it would become my habit.
Secretly dating, hiding around. We made it officially to spill it out. Months went by and things were good. Then out of no where there was a change in the vibe between us. I didn't let that stop me from loving him.
When the months progressed I found myself falling into a bad habit. (I had shot up heroin within a week of starting it.) Feeling sick without a shot in the morning. I noticed this boy who had loved me and needed me, didn't love me or need me, didn't care about me. His mood progressed into yelling and throwing objects around.
I sold my expensive items for him not to leave me. I would cry in the piss pouring rain after being kicked out because I didn't have the money for our fix. I almost went to jcyc over him stealing from my grandma's home. Three years I put up with lies and drugs and abuse.
It took me many times to finally give up. It was the day I can say I wouldn't be able to forget. We had just stole my brand new phone for $60 worth of heroin. It was hot, about 100 degrees outside. I was drinking a coke walking toward a foreclosed warehouse to hang out for a bit.
It all started because I threw up. I couldn't stop. I was left and told I was worthless. I ran chasing him begging for him not to go. I knew when he turned around running toward me that I should've ran. I was grabbed up my feet not touching the pavement anymore. Looking down watching my face turn pale white. I kicked as hard as I could. He dropped me holding himself because of the pain I had just caused.
I ran across a busy highway. Got to a gas station called for a ride. When I left that day. I left everything behind. I left the drugs behind. I left the abusive behind. I left myself behind. I had let myself down.
Now here I am two years sober, off heroin. No rehabs, groups. My mind told me what was right after I could have lost my life. Drugs are not worth a life.
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