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Addiction and Suicide

Created by Angelo Palloni

Addiction and Suicide

My story begins in or about 2006.

I had severe foot pain from bone spurs, went to the doctor, and started Tylenol 3's then 4's, then perc's then hydros. Because I was so tolerant and was doing and buying 20 hydro's on the street, I ended up on methadone in addition to taking Xanax in 2012.

I quit my job because they weren't helping my pain anymore. So I sat in my apartment for close to three years until I got my second denial letter from SSDI. When I got that letter in the mail, I wrote a letter addressed to the mailman knowing he would be back in 24 hours.

The letter read:

Dear mailman,

Notify these people and the police, I'm dead in bed.

I proceeded to go back in my apartment and take about fifty 10mg of methadone and fifty .05 Xanax and went to sleep. I didn't want to make the decision to die, I wanted God to and so he made it - I'm still here and I shouldn't be.

I woke up three days later with a tube down my throat and a catheter. When I woke up, my family and cousins were there and they put me in detox for 28 days - the worst 28 days of my life. I stopped cold turkey; the withdrawal was brutal, and went to 28 more days in a rehab in upstate NY. Then I still wasn't done thanks to my family. I went to a three month transitional house in PA.

I'm almost 9 months clean and still have some time to go. I think because of my age (55), it takes longer to fully recover, but the time I had in rehabs and the memory of what I went through helps me. I went back to work which is so very important in recovering.

People need to know: 28 days or even 56 isn't near enough time, the more time you spend in a group setting with a lot of support the better.

I have so much more to say but I'll stop here. I would love to be able to help just one person that is going through hell.

This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

Guest Book


1. Julie
Thank you for sharing your story -- congratulations on your recovery.