Addiction and Suicide
I had severe foot pain from bone spurs, went to the doctor, and started Tylenol 3's then 4's, then perc's then hydros. Because I was so tolerant and was doing and buying 20 hydro's on the street, I ended up on methadone in addition to taking Xanax in 2012.
I quit my job because they weren't helping my pain anymore. So I sat in my apartment for close to three years until I got my second denial letter from SSDI. When I got that letter in the mail, I wrote a letter addressed to the mailman knowing he would be back in 24 hours.
The letter read:
Notify these people and the police, I'm dead in bed.
I proceeded to go back in my apartment and take about fifty 10mg of methadone and fifty .05 Xanax and went to sleep. I didn't want to make the decision to die, I wanted God to and so he made it - I'm still here and I shouldn't be.
I woke up three days later with a tube down my throat and a catheter. When I woke up, my family and cousins were there and they put me in detox for 28 days - the worst 28 days of my life. I stopped cold turkey; the withdrawal was brutal, and went to 28 more days in a rehab in upstate NY. Then I still wasn't done thanks to my family. I went to a three month transitional house in PA.
I'm almost 9 months clean and still have some time to go. I think because of my age (55), it takes longer to fully recover, but the time I had in rehabs and the memory of what I went through helps me. I went back to work which is so very important in recovering.
People need to know: 28 days or even 56 isn't near enough time, the more time you spend in a group setting with a lot of support the better.
I have so much more to say but I'll stop here. I would love to be able to help just one person that is going through hell.
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