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Addiction and Suicide

Created by Angelo Palloni

Addiction and Suicide

My story begins in or about 2006.

I had severe foot pain from bone spurs, went to the doctor, and started Tylenol 3's then 4's, then perc's then hydros. Because I was so tolerant and was doing and buying 20 hydro's on the street, I ended up on methadone in addition to taking Xanax in 2012.

I quit my job because they weren't helping my pain anymore. So I sat in my apartment for close to three years until I got my second denial letter from SSDI. When I got that letter in the mail, I wrote a letter addressed to the mailman knowing he would be back in 24 hours.

The letter read:

Dear mailman,

Notify these people and the police, I'm dead in bed.

I proceeded to go back in my apartment and take about fifty 10mg of methadone and fifty .05 Xanax and went to sleep. I didn't want to make the decision to die, I wanted God to and so he made it - I'm still here and I shouldn't be.

I woke up three days later with a tube down my throat and a catheter. When I woke up, my family and cousins were there and they put me in detox for 28 days - the worst 28 days of my life. I stopped cold turkey; the withdrawal was brutal, and went to 28 more days in a rehab in upstate NY. Then I still wasn't done thanks to my family. I went to a three month transitional house in PA.

I'm almost 9 months clean and still have some time to go. I think because of my age (55), it takes longer to fully recover, but the time I had in rehabs and the memory of what I went through helps me. I went back to work which is so very important in recovering.

People need to know: 28 days or even 56 isn't near enough time, the more time you spend in a group setting with a lot of support the better.

I have so much more to say but I'll stop here. I would love to be able to help just one person that is going through hell.

Partners for Hope raise critical funds on behalf Partnership to End Addiction – the nation’s leading organization dedicated to addiction prevention, treatment and recovery. Every dollar raised on behalf of the Partnership* will help ensure free, personalized family support resources, including our national helpline, peer-to-peer parent coaching, customized online tools and community education programs, can reach those who need them most. Please consider donating to this fundraiser and sharing this page.

*Donations made to Partnership to End Addiction are tax deductible to the extent allowed by law. All contributions are fully tax-deductible, as no goods or services are provided in consideration in whole, or in part, of any contribution to this nonprofit organization.  EIN: 52-1736502

Guest Book


1. Julie
Thank you for sharing your story -- congratulations on your recovery.