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Crank

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Crank

My name is Alexis, and I am 17?years old.

A year ago, I was introduced to cocaine for the first time. I until this point had struggled with marijuana usage for four years, cigarettes for six, and alcohol for one. When I met powder, I thought I had met my match. I fell in love instantly. I was constantly trying to get my hands on it. I spent the next two months building a tolerance to it, and upping my use.

On April 6, 2012, around 3AM, after an all day binge of consistent cocaine and marijuana use, and quite a few drinks, I met my devil. My devil takes on the form of an angelic,?clear, crystal-like rock: Crystal Meth.

I got to the point where I was tricking out my friends just to get a fix. I was lying, stealing, hustling, and many more things I won't mention, just to catch a high. It was more than an addiction, it was a bad romance. It was what made me feel whole, complete. It was the smile on my face, the money in my pocket, the friends in my circle, and the love of my life. It was my savior.

On May 8, 2012 after a month's use of ice,?I was?caught on school campus with meth and codeine.?Over the?next two months while waiting for court, I spent?my time planning ways to get it, without anyone finding out. Sometimes friends would bring it to me in the middle of the night, sometimes I would make a lame excuse to leave the house and I'd go get it, but I couldn't let it go. I was selling my stuff to homies on the street and to different pawnshops in town. I couldn't lose?my rocks, they were my babies.

On July 16, 2012 I presented my case in court. My lawyer told me I could either sign away my right to a trial by jury and take the six months bootcamp I was being offered, or I could fight my case and be facing up to five years in the Texas Youth Commission, or a minimum of two years in a state prison.

At 16, I figured it'd be smartest to take the six months and deal with it rather than risk losing my case and facing prison with grown women. The most terrifying, heartbreaking?thing I've ever seen in my life is my parents crying as I left for the juvenile detention center in belted cuffs.

My first night in a cell was cold and lonely. They had me on suicide watch which made me feel crazy. I didn't sleep that night. My muscles were shaking uncontrollably, I was having cold sweats. They kept shining a little flashlight through my 2x2 cell window and the girl in the cell next to me was snoring up a storm.

When I got to bootcamp, things got a little easier. I shared a dorm with 20+ other girls, who, over time, became the closest?non-blood?sisters I've ever known. The whole time I was locked up, which in total was 118 days, or roughly 4 1/2 months, I planned ways to be a "closet-smoker" when I came home,?which basically meant I would still smoke, but the only people who would know would be me and my dealer. I craved it every day I was gone. I and still crave it every day.

I've been free and sober for two solid months on January 22, 2013. I can't say that it's been what I wanted, or that I'm happy about it, but I do know that my loved ones are happy, and I'm proud to say that I overcame my biggest demon.

I still have a fear that one day, when I'm off probation, and not living with my parents anymore, I'll get hooked again. It's a fear I live with every day, and I will live with everyday for the rest of my life. It never gets easier, and it never goes away. What matters is how you learn to cope with it.

Today, January 21, 2013, at?3AM, ?I am awake?because of sleeping problems that cause me to stay?up almost all night long. I suffer from different types of depression and anxiety, and I'm flat out terrified of sleeping alone anymore. However, in the face of all that, I am proud to say that I have almost completed high school doing a self-based program, I will be starting college within the next six months and have a part-time job working for my dad and grandpa in the oilfield.

My life isn't what I've planned, and I've been down many roads I never imagined I would go. But as of right now, I'm on my road of recovery, and that's the best place for me to be.


This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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Comments

1. Julie
Thank you for sharing your story with us Alexis and congratulations on your recovery. Wishing you all the best.