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Overdosed Depression

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Overdosed Depression

So where should I start? Maybe the week before my birthday of 2012. The year I turned 17. My birth date is April 25th, 1995. I was dating a guy for about two months, named Charles. He was constantly grabbing, yanking me, and forcing me to sit. I couldn't hang with certain friends of mine, because he didnt like them, and he was obsessed with me. One time he ran away from home, thinking he could live with me, in a house that was tiny and full already. I was sharing a room with my mom. I dumped him the week before 4-20-12. I finally asked him back out on 4-18-12. He knew I was popping pills. I was trying all kinds of stuff. I remembered watching Dr. Phil when I was little and seeing one of my ADHD pills, apparently can get me high. So on 4-20-12, my school had what they call "Flex Days"? If you had a good attendance record and passed your state tests from the previous year, you could skip that Friday.? Well I had to go to school. So I took my regular psychiatric medicine for my depression, a Vivarin to keep me awake, and 6 Adderall 30 mg XR. I realized, oh shit, you're not supposed to take Vivarin with Adderall. I felt stupid. I ran to the bus stop and got on the bus. I sat with my old best friend, Angel. I started to get a headache.

When I got to school I told Charles. He told me that Adderall has speed in it, a different form. It makes you concentrate. We went up to the nurse, I told her I just had a headache, nothing about what I took, and said that it would go away. So, she gave me an ice pack. The school bell rang and I had a teacher I did not like. I sat next to my best friend, Hollie, and my head was starting to feel bigger and bigger. It wasn't a headache, or a migraine. My head felt bigger than the world, really heavy. I wasn't sleepy either, Like it was a balloon. I started to squeeze my head and cry. Hollie, my ex-best friend asked me "Bri' are you okay? Your face is turning colors!" I said "No." I was in tears. I told her what I took. This teacher,? I always make an excuse to get out of class to go to the nurse. Hollie had convinced me to ask her, and the teacher had actually recognized I didn't look good. I go to the nurse and she's in Officer Wedels' office. I know the school officer and well she knows me pretty well. I said I don't feel good, it's my head, it hurts bad.

Nurse Camp said "You know your Mom won't come and pick you up, she's at work." I walk out, then I walk back in the office. I get on my knees and start crying and I said "I can't FUCKING stand the pain! IT HURTS!" She takes me to the office, she checks my temperature, I almost fall when she's checking it. My temperature was normal. Then I lay down she checks my blood pressure it was 200/102. She said that can't be right. She gets another blood pressure machine, it's the same. She calls Officer Wedel over there. Nurse Camp talks to her. Officer Wedel has my Mom on the phone. She hands it to Nurse Camp, she tells my Mom the situation. She hands me the phone.? My Mom was yelling "What did you take?" I said "My medication." I didn't want a ticket. She got me to talk; they were talking about calling an ambulance,? I said "A Vivarin and a Adderall." My Mom knows it was a lie. She asked how much Adderall? I started to cry even harder on the phone "Just one to concentrate in school." She yelled "Bullshit." The nurse had to use two more different blood pressure machines and they came out the same. Finally Officer Wedel said "Should I call the ambulance?" She said "Yes."

The nurse came and sat by me and she tried a different approach, and said nice, calm, and sweet, "Bri, it's important that we know what you took so we can get you help when they get ambulance gets here. I started crying even worse. I said "An ambulance? NO! My Mom is going to kill me. I am not going, I am fine, I can go back to class!" I stand up walk a step and almost fall forward, I was so dizzy. Nurse Camp grabs me. "Bri, we know you took something more than what you said. We need to know so we need to know or the ambulance, Bri. Aren't you allergic to Adderall? Doesn't it make you hallucinate?" I replied "It makes me hallucinate, and I am not sure why I am not hallucinating now." They hand me the phone again. It was my Mom. She told me to tell her or I am going to die from an overdose. I gave in, I realized I didn't want to die for the first time in my life, "Fine! I took 6 Adderall 30 mg XR, with a Vivarin, I didn't mean to take the Vivarin with it."? She told the Officer Wedel.

The ambulance arrived with the stretcher and it got a little blurry from there. I tried to run out the door the gym teacher, Coach Brown and one of the coaches, Coach Underwood blocks me, turns me around. I remember seeing all the teachers in the main office watching me, as I'm on the stretcher. Everybody knows my name in the district from pre-k to seniors. I was embarrassed. I went was arrested, by Officer Wedel, to teach me a lesson, and the whole school district knew. I remember, Officer Wedle, she wanted to follow. She's a family friend, they said, she couldn't follow. I remember on the ambulance ride, holding my head, screaming, yelling, and it got so much more worse. I kept thinking I'm going to be the one in a body bag zipped up. I for the first time while squeezing my head and cringing in pain start to think and talk to "God." I said to him "God if you really are there for me, you've never answered my other prayers, any time i actually needed help, but let me make it through this, I don't want to die, I will quit drugs. I won't be suicidal anymore. I want and love my family let me live please." The lady on the ambulance, kept asking me questions. I turned over and I yelled at her and yelled at her to "Leave me the fuck alone. I am in fucking pain! Don't you see?" I kept saying it hurts, it hurts, when will it stop, We arrived to the closest hospital, it was "Mansfield Methodist" and I remember blacking in and out.

I woke up, or what seemed i woke up, I saw my mom. My head still hurt,? I called for my Mom, I was yelling for her. She was in the hall talking to the hospital nurse and put her hand up as into "Shut up." then the nurses came in and asked me questions, I blacked out for good. They said I think she's going unconscious. I was just so tired. After they left I remember my Mom sitting in the chair by the bed, then, everything went down. According to my Mom, I started to have a seizure, I remember when I woke up I had a hole, on the right side of where my lip is supposed to be. I bit it off on the right side where a snake bite is supposed to go. I had those staring seizures and was biting my lip off, my Mom was trying to talk to me and she was telling me to stop biting my lip and I wasn't listening she called the nurses, and then I went into a cardiac arrest.

From there my Mom refuses to tell me what happened,? as everyone tells me it's something a mother never wants to see her child go through. She had nightmares for months. She had to start therapy. They said the whole time I was knocked out, she was crying. She refuses to tell me and she won't ever tell me she says. Nobody is allowed to tell me in the family. I had drank charcoal in less than 30 seconds. I was so thirsty. I was a sleep, and communicating. I had amnesia, so I don't remember much.? I do remember waking up at 12:00 pm exactly, there was a digital hang up clock in the big E.R. room. Officer Wedel was sitting on the left side of my bed, my Mom by the right, in that same one, but a different and bigger room. My Aunt Lala and Uncle Clint, by Officer Wedel and my Grandpa at the end of the bed standing. I didn't know who anybody was except the school police woman, Officer Wedel.

My Mom did tell me Charles I did remember too,? but I didn't remember my Mom. I figured out who Officer Wedel was without talking just barely lifting my heavy head, I said "Officer Wedel* she asked me "What?" I said randomly in a shaky voice "I love you." She replied? "I love you too kiddo." She told me to get my rest and we'd talk later. I fell asleep again. I had amnesia. I didn't recognize my own mother. I was confused.? I was transferred to another hospital, Cooks' Children's? in Fort Worth, Texas.

My Mom rode with me. I was asleep, I woke up, I looked at my mom, I never throw up and when I do, it's those exorcists ones. I threw up all over the back of the ambulance window, myself and somehow my Mom, was on the side of the ambulance where they sit, but she had throw up all over her. I threw up once. It was black. My throw up was black, because of the charcoal. It was on the window, I could not see out of it anymore. I got to the other hospital I remember them poking needles all in my arms. It took me a while for my Aunt Lala and my Mom to get me to remember who they were. They started asking me questions and teasing me. They asked me who the president was I said Bush. They were teasing and joking, they knew I had amnesia.They thought it was funny. They did an ultra sound of my heart, and they found a little tissue damage on the lower part. Then they transferred me to a regular room away from the E.R.

I stayed the night in the hospital. Since I couldn't take my regular medicine, they had given me a morphine shot. Which is rarely what they give or something like that. They said, "Right after I give you this shot, you won't be up much longer, it'll get rid of the pain too. So if they're leaving, I'd say your "I love yous'" and "Good nights" now. this will put you out, and we will be in here around 3:00 in the morning." They were exactly in the room at 3:00 a.m.

The next day...they asked me why I took the pills. I didn't have a clue or remember why, and I still don't know. I think it was a mixture of wanting to die and get high. I wanted to show all the people bullying me at the time when I was fully lesbian, not bisexual, revenge and what happens to people when you bully others, then again I just liked the feeling of being high, I still can't think of why I did it.
Officer Wedel, her two daughters came to visit me in the hospital again. Her grown up daughter Ms. Montgomery was my sub for a lot of my classes, she knew me pretty well, her little girl, just knew my name and face. My Aunt Lala and Uncle Clint came and visited me later that night, they were sending me to Desoto, Hickory Trails Mental Institution. My previous doctor from Sundance Mental Institution in Mansfield, Dr. Bhatia, he works there too. He was my doctor again for the 3rd time. At Sundance he told me, "I don't think you have a disorder, I think you have a personality problem" Only because my roommate said I was telling her about having sex with my girlfriends. When at the time I hadn't had sex with any of my girlfriends since I had move to Texas, she was some straight girl lying. My doctor decided to believe her. It's not even his patient. She was asking me about being a lesbian and stuff. I told her to ask her Mom, she's 17, get a clue. He refused to see me at Hickory Trails, he wouldn't change my medicine. He was wasting my time, and my insurance company paid for my medicine to be changed. He wasn't doing it. I was released 2 1/2 weeks from my "vacation."

My mom tricked me she said she's taking me home since Dr. Bhatia didn't do his job or get me into Meridell, my mom took me back to Sundance Mental Institution. It's on the way home. She tricked me and had me thinking I was going home. I requested a different doctor. Everybody knew me up there.? They didn't think I had issues, well there they are. Proof in my files. After 8 days they sent me to San Marcos, Tx Residential Treatment Center.

They basically made you stay in your room all day,? didn't follow the schedule, you didn't get better during the Summer,? when school is out. You rarely could come out. You had to knock to come out of your room. You had to ask to do very thing. It was a crappy place, it smelled as well. The nurses station was small. I saw my doctor 1 time the whole month I was there. They had nicknames, and Spears always yelled at me my mom could hear her yelling at other girls at the end of the hallway word for word, and then she was visiting the next 2 days. She decided to take me to Meridell Achievement Center. They pulled some strings and got me out!

So I went to Meridell Achievement Center. My friend was there too, from where I live. I have had things? happen,? to me I don't think anybody who just turned 17, literally has seen. I had a long admission. I got settled in my building I liked it they performed some brain waves tests for ADHD. Then some memory tests. I had faded out of my ADHD, from when I was a born until I was a pre-teenager. I do have memory issues, but not extreme. I didn't have an impulsivity wave, like the other girls in my unit did.

I started getting home sick after my first visitation with my Mom and at the time was her boyfriend. I started trying to run when going to the cafeteria on campus. When I did that they kept me on the unit. I felt even more worse. I started to run off, I was beings man-handled, I wouldn't let anybody through the locked doors. They would call the big guys to come get me. They tried to give me a shot, I volunteered for the pill version instead. I got into fights with a few of my closest "friends" while i was there. After they gave me the results to my mental test, they transferred me to a different unit.

I was sane for my first few days at this unit it was way different than the other one, more uptight. It wasn't all relaxation. We had groups constantly. We had certain times for everything. Two girls were talking about asking me out and dating me. I got blamed for being in it. They put us on freeze and made us write process papers and do process work, through our feelings. After I got off freeze,? I got in trouble for talking to an African American girl in the swimming pool about her culture, and she was happy to talk about it, I asked her before I even asked if it was okay, she was happy with talking to me about stuff.

I asked her "What's the difference between weaves and hair extensions?"? "Why do African Americans use lotion so much?" She as well asked me some questions about my culture and how I live. She didn't get into trouble.

I tried to commit suicide in the hospital. I took the shoe strings off my Osiris skate shoes and tied it around my throat, curled into a ball, when they asked for backup. They forced me open, an five guys were holding me down, and a random shock of pain was in my hip, but I could feel the fluids go to my butt. I had my first "booty juice" shot. I was tackled at 9:00 am. It was a 100mg Thorazine shot. Later that day after I woke up from sleeping I attempted again with the strings on my pajama pants. I was sitting in the lock up room with the door open and I wrapped it around my neck, they were coming in a few minutes to check on me. Then I was held down by Mr. Craig. He's a very large man. They gave me another shot in the same spot almost. I ate dinner, went to that room and I was out for almost two days. I was so warm and comfortable in the calming room sleeping on a jail bed mattress. Not very big

I distanced myself away from people, the world. I couldn't have my sweater, anything long sleeved, shoes. Only Sandals, and short sleeved. I finally got put on a bunch of new medicine. I am on 19 1/2 pills. I started taking my treatment seriously, towards the end, I got my help. I did my DBT therapy. I was cut off 3 months early, my insurance didn't see any change in my behavior up until that last week, I had finally got the medicine I needed, I was away from home from 4/20/12 until 7/7/12 I was released 7/6/12.

We went camping right after, straight away. I got the help I needed. I'm not depressed, or doing drugs. I feel better. I feel like I can be myself, I feel more comfortable. I have my life together. I'm ready for the real world. People think I'm not, but I do have plans. I am going through with them. I don't care what it takes. People keep putting me down for the 6 disorders I have, for doing drugs. They expect me to relapse. I have yet to relapse. I will prove the world wrong. I am determined. Determination will get me far in life.


This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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Comments

1. Julie
Thank you for sharing your story, Bri'anna. I wish you the best.
2. Lisha
Well I just overdoesed cuz I have ADHD mental and I'm sick and tired of people taking the piss out of me so I just thought. Dieing was best opetion tbh sorry about spelling yeah good luck love ur stroy! X
3. Jessica
This is an inspiring story. I hope, wherever you are, that you are happy.
4. Bri
Thank ya'll so much. :)
5. Cinder
I read this whole thing, and I'm touched. You're so strong..I don't think you'll relapse. Whoever's putting you down? Screw them. They need to see your actual potential.
6. Jane
You can do it!