2 new lives
Hi my name is Amanda I am 28 years old, married with two kids, and I have been clean now for two years from herion. I guess to make a long story short I have been an addict for more than half my life mainly just smoking pot in the early years. But as I got older and experimented with other drugs but I could seem to do them or not and it not be that big of deal. So for years it was just an on and off type of thing. But when I was about 24 I started snorting herion- did that for about a year until I would try shooting it and after that it took it to a whole nother level. And my life started spinning outta control more and more as I started using more and more. To only make myself need more and more and not even wanting to or liking to anymore- having to. And hating to, hating myself for wanting to or needing to. Now this changed it all: it had all the power I had none! And everything was getting worse and worse.
By this point I hated my life, hated myself and seemed sometimes the only thing I loved was my drug. I knew I needed help- help for me, help for my 5 year old daughter. But the hardest part was admitting to anyone I had a problem. Afraid of what my family would think about me or if I would lose my daughter. But as time went on and got worse, because that's what happens when u are using, I knew I had no choice anymore and it was getting to the point everyone could already tell anyways. I went back home and checked in to an out patient rehab. I was doing good at first for a couple of months but really, as soon as I got the chance, started using again. At first just doing it every once in a while but like it always does it got worse and worse. And it happened even faster this time. I knew I had to get back into a program and take what they say to heart. For the first few weeks I was doing good off and on but about one month into rehab I found out I was pregnant and knew I had to get and stay clean or I would lose not only this baby but my 5 year old as well. And after that it was like someone flipped a switch in me or something but I finally gave up the want to ever do drugs or live how I was living again.
I knew we all needed and I wanted a better life. I had asked god to show me what I needed to do I was trying so hard but really struggling right then because I had just found out my mother had 6 months to live. On one hand that made me want to do what all addicts do and that is use, but on the other hand, I didnt want her dying and having to worry about me. I think the new baby was the answer to my prayers, I still thank god for her today. She is almost a year old now and we are both doing great. I have been clean and sober since the day I found out I was pregnant. And if anyone ever thought they couldn't get clean, it was me, so I really hope my story can help bring hope to someone out there and they can also get out of that dark place in life and learn how to live again. They say the only way to stay sober is the help others that are where u have been, so that's what I try to do now whenever I can. Just always remember u have two roads and it's your choice which one u take. And trust me, it makes all the difference. U just have to really want it for yourself- u deserve it, trust. Peace Love and Happiness to all. U don't have to be all drugged up to have fun, life's so much better sober I'm the happiest i've ever been. Just find peace in yourself! : )
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