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Freedom Finally!

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Freedom Finally!

My name is Holly. I am 48 years old. I got married at 17 because I thought getting away from my parents and chores would give me the freedom I wanted.

I married a man my age. He was a "bad boy" which turned me on and pissed off my dad. I started drinking because that's what he liked to do. I was the bread winner because he found every excuse in the book not to work. After two?of my children were born, I started dabbling in pot. After my third?child, I was desperate to get out of the marriage. But I had low self esteem and he kept telling me that no one else would ever want me because I had three kids.

I ended up getting hurt at work and was put on pain killers, Vicodin, and?they were great! It was like being half drunk without having to run to the bathroom every 20 minutes. But after a few months, I started taking OxyContin. They were fabulous. But after almost a year, they were getting expensive and if I had to go through withdrawal it was real hard, so I started using Heroin along with Xanax. I stayed with my husband for 20 years.

When my oldest daughter got married and moved to Texas, he suggested we go visit her, since she was expecting. So off we went. We decided to stay there for awhile, While we were there, he still would not get a job. So I decided to get clean. I laid up for two months so sick and one day, I ended up in the Austin State Hospital. Not knowing who or where I was. My brain swelled from the Xanax withdrawal.

After 6 months of recovery, I needed work since he?wouldn't, I couldn't find anything, and he talked me into being an escort. So I thought I'd give it a try. Why not, no one knew me there. So, I started making money, around $2,200 a night after six calls.

Finally I said, I can't do this without something, but I didn't want to go back to that stuff. So he convinced me to try Cocaine. That was awesome, but it kept messing with my sinuses, so I started shooting it, but it was leaving marks on my arms. Then someone told me I could smoke it---it was called Crack. Baby, that was all she wrote! I was in love! That was what I wanted my entire life!

After a year, I was tricking and met a man that would soon be my second husband. He made me happy, so I finally left husband #1 and he ended up in jail. While he was there, I got cleaned up again and married #2. I stayed clean for 5 years. Then my mother passed away. He was always working, I was alone in Austin because my daughter divorced and moved back to PA. So I started smoking Crack again.

It got to the point that after he would leave for work in the morning, I would go through the house and see what I could pawn that day just to get high. The last day with him, I went out and got high with friends. When I returned home, he came out of the house with a 9 mm and held it to the back of my head. He wanted his keys back for his new truck. So, needless to say, he is now in prison and I continued my life style for a few more months.

I decided to take a trip to Mexico to clear my head and think about everything. When I returned to the states, I was going to commit suicide. I called my sister and said my goodbyes. In a few minutes, the phone rang and it was her. She told me that the whole family wanted me to come home to PA. I had been gone for 12 years.

How could I return as a failure for the second time?

But I did, clean! October 14th was one year that I celebrated being clean. I never thought I would be able to put that crack pipe down. But being back home, with people who love and care for you and give you support, it's not hard. My second husband paid for rehab three times for me and it didn't work. I guess I just wasn't happy enough to quit using -- not until I came back home and didn't have anyone telling me what to do anymore.

What I am saying is that if I can quit, anyone can!

Please keep in mind that I went through hell in my life time. I had to give my children up, I spent time in jail, and that's not saying what I go through emotionally everyday thinking about what I did just to get high.

But after awhile, you change. The cravings go away and eventually you never even think about wanting to get high. Take my advice....if you are considering getting clean, then you are ready! Good luck in your travels and may God be with you!


This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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Comments

1. Julie
What an amazing story, Holly. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. Congratulations to you on four years on recovery today. Wishing you all the best.