My Sons addiction=My pain
My Sons addiction=My pain
You see my son has a choice, but only one choice for once he makes the choice to use his will is no longer his own. That is what people don't understand. That is why people who don't understand addiction to be a horrific disease think that the addict gets what they deserve when they overdose. For some an overdose is an end to a long life of pain and suffering. But although the addicts pain is over, the pain of their loved ones has only just begun. For those left behind it is a life filled with a loss and a void, especially when it is someone's child that dies. This is where the parents and loved ones fill the void of their missing child with thoughts of guilt and regret for what they maybe could have done to prevent it.
I am one of the lucky ones. I have not lost my son and through my son's years of addiction I have been able to ask all these questions and get answers from my son. If my son loses his battle to addiction I will at least know that I did everything I could to help him, because he has told me this. He knows I love him and I know he loves me. I know he isn't choosing addiction over his family. I know that when he starts using his drug of choice, Heroin, that within days my son is lost to his addiction and unless he can somehow find the strength to overcome the addiction and get clean again that my son is lost. I hate the addiction I truly do, but I love my son with all my heart. I would do anything to help my son stay clean and he knows that. But he must make that choice every day.
For those that have lost their child please know this, you did what you could to help your child, you loved them. They know you loved them. My son speaks for other addicts, he tells parents not to live with guilt. You did not cause the addiction. It is not your fault. From his 6 years living with addiction and in rehab, jail, meetings, hospitals, etc he has spoken to hundreds of addicts and they all share very similar stories and my son tells me this, many of the addicts he has known felt something missing for much of their lives, not anything that anyone else could have filled, but somehow the drugs fill it. My son begs parents to not live in guilt and regret but to remember their child in happy times. Don't remember the addict remember your child.
Each parent makes choices and the only one that can tell them if their choice is right or wrong is themselves. Do not judge the addict or the parent of the addict. I made the choice to go with tough love and kick my son out of my home, no one could tell me that choice was right or wrong but me. I had to live with my choice therefore it is mine to judge. Not everyone can do what I did and live with it. For me it helped, my son hit bottom and ended up in jail and then in rehab. He is 5 months in to a 6 month program and for today he is making it and for today I am at peace. But each parent has to find their own peace and make their own choice just as the addict must find theirs and make their choice each day. My son is an addict in recovery and that is my peace for today.
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