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My life, my loss

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My life, my loss

Drugs, violence, jail, & eventually prison. That's the road I went down. I'm an addict and almost all of my family members are too. I went from occasional use on the weekends to daily use in a matter of months. Now you'll probably say that won't be you. That you only do it to have fun. Yeah I said that too. I also said I'm only gonna do it til I lose 20 pounds. Yeah right by then it was too late I was hooked not only to the Meth but to the lifestyle. I was 14 years old when I started "experimenting" with speed. By the time I was 19 I had 2 kids I was losing cuz the state said I wasn't fit. After that I was so depressed I gave up, Meth was the only thing that I thought I wouldn't lose or that wouldn't leave me. I was in & out of jail. My very first time for a Meth lab. Talk about scary this one was a fail to file a few months later I was back in jail on another lab charge. I know that not everyone that uses makes it but where else is it coming from? By the time I was 20 yrs old I was pregnant again and in jail for violating my probation. I NEVER thought I would go to prison I wasn't prison material but sure enough that's exactly where my addiction landed me. Just before my 21st birthday I was pregnant and in prison. I was on a road to nowhere and I was scared at this point. What had I done? I had my baby while an inmate of the state. I didn't get to take my baby home and bond with him. I got to hand him over to a case worker and go back to my cell. I got out and wanted to do the right thing but before I knew it I was pregnant yet again and to "stop my boyfriend from using" I said if he did it I was going to and I was back to life as it was before. Needless to say I was back in prison and pregnant again. I always thought only the weak relapse but that's not true either. At one point I got off parole, was going to college to be an MA, and had my youngest kid in my life. Then I met a guy that I liked thinking this would be a fresh start but one day we were out and he asked if I wanted to get high. Next thing I know I'm taxing some lady for everything she has and writing fraudulent checks to get my next fix. I was only using for a year and looking at new charges and going back to prison again. That was my reality check. I didn't want that life anymore. I was released from jail and I decided I had had enough so I locked myself in my room in my mom's basement for two weeks after that I got a job and got myself into treatment because I knew the only way to beat the system was to be on track so that's what I did and have done ever since. Now I'm not about to say sobriety is easy but it truly is worth it. There have been side effects from using Meth I am now disabled with mental issues, I have chronic pain, and I have gained a lot of weight but there are a lot of good things too like being a mom to my youngest child, owning my own home and car, and being religious. Your family and the Lord above love you so much don't go down the same road I did, it's too long and it only brings pain and heartache to you and everyone around you. I now have 6 years of sobriety and if I can help even one person my job is done.

This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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