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I gave up my freedom in more ways than one.

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I gave up my freedom in more ways than one.

Hi, My name is Oscar & I'm a grateful addict in recovery. My story is way too long to post but I will try my best to give you my experience, strength & hope in a few lines. I've been sexually, emotionally & physically abused as a child & although it screwed me up big time that tragic experience did not make me addict. Although you couldn't have told me that prior to having experienced the freedom that I now experience a day at a time which I found through the fellowship of a 12 step program. I know today that ever since I was a boy I always felt less than, inadequate, & lonely. Even in a room filled with people who loved me. The only thing that ever made me feel whole was alcohol & drugs just to name 2 things that made me feel better temporarily. It's safe to say that in the beginning it was my solution to my problem. It stopped me from committing suicide even though I was slowly killing myself anyway. I started to do things that would feed my addiction not only through using but through my shame. I started to sell myself, my belongings & those of my family. I started to go to prison, detoxes, rehabs & tc's. My addiction chose what I would do, where I would live, where I would sleep, what I would say, what I would think etc. It owned me. I was a prisoner in or out of prison. I had done a 3yr bid (not my 1st time either). I thought I was good like all of my other attempts at trying to recover from my hopeless state of mind & body. I had resigned myself to the fact that I could never use again, I believed it. You couldn't have told me that I'd ever use again. A lie detector would've showed that I'm telling the truth. I came home, I started to work, I made one 12 step meeting but I did it my way after that. After all I had it licked. Until one day after everything was going great. I found myself at the coke spot copping a 20 after getting a haircut. As I shot this poison into my veins I was saying, "what am I doing and that this isn't me anymore" but it was. I had returned to what I knew would ease my dis-ease (get it). Only by the grace of God did I make it back home that night. Understand that, that is not how I use. I don't stop until I'm stopped. Since then I have surrendered to the program of narcotics anonymous & day to day I surrender to the situations that I can't change. Just like that I can be free everyday for that day. I have 61 days & it's a great reality to know that I'm free as long as I do everyday what is suggested for me to do from people who know not only how to get clean but how to stay clean. Thank you for reading & thank you God for allowing me to do this.

This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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