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Wasn't in the cards for me to die

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Wasn't in the cards for me to die

In 1976 at age 38, successful in the field of international business, wealthy by many standards, divorced twice, and terribly lonely. I met and married a beautiful 17 year old Hawaiian from a prominent family. Our initial bond was formed with a brand new drug being referred to at that time as "opium rocks." The marriage lasted for one tumultuous year. Nearly one million dollars went?for "opium rocks" known today as crack coaine...a drug that had just been introduced into Hawaii by a single importer who claimed he'd found it on the ground in Panama at sites where white cocaine was being processed. The 'rocks' dried up and by this time the addiction was so powerful we were forced to switch to heroin. One year to the day we divorced as I saw my life going down the drain and realized it was all over the fasination of a young woman. I returned to the mainland and continued the 'habit' over the next year or so. The law caught up with me but we swung a deal that I'd give up the name of my new supplier in Hong Kong in exchange for not going to jail. Still I did the drugs...anything I could get. I was now broke and unemployed. Finally, one Saturday morning I put a .38 caliber revolver to my head, said a prayer and as my index finger touched the trigger, my doberman dog ran to me, crying and placing her head in my lap. My God, I thought. If I'm dead and nobody comes around, the dog will starve. It was in consoling the dog that it came to me that I simply couldn't die, at least not that day. My addiction was driving me crazy and the 'jones-ing' was extremely painful. In less than three years I'd gone from 200 pounds of solid muscle to 138 pounds of a man who was worn and desperate. A relative agreed to keep my dog while I sought help. I went to Casriel Institute in NYC where I got 'over the hump' in terms of withdrawal and the therapy needed to get me back on my feet. The absolute amazing part of my recovery is that from the day I was approached by a federal law enforcement agency regarding drug purchases I'd made to that Saturday morning I decided to take my life, I've actually gone on to a career in law enforcement. Successfully retired today at age 73, married for 30 years to an incredible woman, grandchildren and all the 'real' things in life. NO MATTER HOW DESPERATE YOU MAY BECOME......YOU CAN DO IT AND LIFE IS WORTH THE EFFORT. Jones your way through it...get well...move on. It's not meant for any of us to die that way.

This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

Guest Book


1. Jane
Great story! Thank you for sharing, and congrats! Teh dog theme reminds me of this story: