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My life, my story

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My life, my story

hello everyone, my name is alex and the reason why I am doing this i saw a commerical and thought why not ive been drug free for 11 months and glad I am. to make a long story short since i accidently refreshed and have to start all over I started smoking marijuana and drinking my junior year in high school i was later introduced to prescription drugs like pain killers, promethizine and coedine. Some people may be effectted by the drugs in moody ways?and in my case it did just that.

Leaving high school with family problems was a huge life changer. I turned to smoking when i felt troubled or if i was nervous as my little scapegoat, same for drinking. With that an addiction began to grow. Me being a moody person and emotional, my family and friends problems always had effects on me especially family. Every time some family stuff went down, i'd leave smoke, drink, etc but the huge life chager was in college.

I hadn't seen a girl since I graduated. i had?a huge crush. I tried contacting her but no one knew where she was or what she had been up too. I tried everything.??Months passed, my deep depression had kicked in and I can say it was one of the worst depressions I've ever gone through. It got to the point to where I wanted to end my life. With me being high and drunk at the same time, I felt that the world seemed like it was all just a dream but it wasn't it was real life.

For about 9 months according to my memory my depression lasted.?Through those painful months I found out more about myself then I had in years. Who I was, what was happening and just about life how it has ups and downs. Not only that i tried multiple sucide attempts with pills and had many suicide thoughts about just driving off cliffs, into walls, the list can go on.?I just wanted my pain to leave. Honestly with drugs and alcohol, their to comfort me, I didn't realize these substances were only making it worse until one day a girl who I had went out with caught me at school. we talked, I told her wat had happend what I was going through. I saw her one last time before i dropped a semester of school. Through that semester I realized that my depression won't leave if i kept feeding it drugs and alcohol because if I did then ill keep thinking about this girl who i liked.

I tried going sober and I magically did it. It may have had?to do with the fact that I realized through many crazy thoughts and movies and stories that life was to short to end it over a silly girl who I might not even see again. If she were a true friend she would of returned my txts, calls or even looked me up on facebook. But she didn't so that only told me one thing, move on. There were such sad, depressing days where nights I could not sleep and I would see the beautiful sun rise over the mountains.?A bright orange red yellowish light coming up the dark purplish blue skys moving across and for some reason it made me feel good to be alive.

And now 11 months later, almost a year, a 19 year old kid is still here alive and happy. I'd say the worst or part about this is that I had only few friends I could talk to. My parents would only make me feel guily and shameful coming from a mexican family who have sacrificed lots to give us the best life possible. By?their hard works they have what they want. But with so much family problems growing up the lack of trust fell and I didn't feel comfortable at all talking to them or anyone close, crying was my way out everyday. Friends would say dude get over it who knows where she is fuck her just move on. But what they don't know is its hard moving on even though we were building our close relationship. Its hard for people to forget those close friends especially when you have feelings for them, so all I did was self medicate myself and that was just keeping my head up and waiting for life to unveil itself on me slowly till today.

If anyone reads this please thank you for your time. It is?much is appreciated. And I hope?as I tell others, young kids avoid drugs weed, tobacco, even alcohol. We have to avoid these drugs problems. It's not only killing us but our people, kids, friends, and family and many innocent people for stupid money out in many countries.

Thank you and god bless, Alex. P of san jose california

This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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