Mastering My Addiction
I don't know why I turned to drugs, why does anyone?? Yet quickly they turned into my crutch. It was my first year of college at a Big 10 University and I lived recklessly. My 2 best friends, K and T, and I did anything and everything- weed, coke, molly, acid, shrooms, prescription pills- basically whatever we could find. We would go on drug binges together, day after day of being fucked up. You can imagine how this effected our class work. After the first semester, my GPA was hardly stellar. T managed to get a .6 GPA. However, we still didn't think that we had a problem.
Second semester, K and I had bought some weed and were doing homework in my dorm room. Suddenly, 3 cops broke in. They told us that they knew we had marijuana and that if we didn't produce it they would bring in the dogs. I kept everything in a lock box at that time, but it wasn't locked. I tried to grab just the weed from the box but the police asked me to bring out the entire box. Inside along with the weed were shrooms and my piece. After raiding the fridge and finding liquor, I was put in handcuffs. K finally jumped up and said that the weed was hers as well but she claimed no ownership to the shrooms.
After that, I was scared. I quit everything for two months and turned heavilty to synthetic weed, what we called k2. I also relied on cigarettes even more than I had before. K continued to do drugs, along with T, and eventually I fell back into the habit. One night after T and I finished a fifth of liquor together, I smoked bowl after bowl of k2, went to a party, and ripped a 2 foot bong. From there it was back to my high every day life style.
In the summer it got worse. K and T started buying out full prescriptions and I followed suit. We would see eachother at parties and not remember it the next day. I spent $80 on valium at a time, getting the pills at $2 a pop. I did drugs at work with my co-workes out back. I worked at a fancy golf course and I was usually either high or on pills.K and T were both waitresses and operated in a similar fashion. We would all share drug connects with eachother. At the time, I was seeing a very straight-edge guy in a city 2 hours away. I would take a ton of pills when I drove out to see him, sometimes waking up the next morning and not even remembering how I got there. I took xanax some nights and met up with multiple people to smoke and wouldn't remember. Another friend and I took so much xanax that she ran her car off the road. But I still didn't stop.
We all returned for our sophomore year, this time as roommates. Over the summer, K heard back about her drug charges. I didn't and thought I was off the hook. I watched as she did drugs on her probation. She was supposed to drop weekly and would smoke, take pills, you name it. She failed multiple drug tests, prolonging her probation. T and I had operated on ounce after ounce of weed and pills. And then in October I got a call from the police saying that they had listed me as a witness to an accident. I knew something was up as I hadn't seen any accident.
I called to see if there was a warrant out for my arrest and, surprise surprise, there was. I went to the court house the next day and discoverd that I was being charged with 2 counts of possession, a felony and a misdemeanor. K had only been charged with a misdemeanor. My lawyer cost $3,000 but it was worth it as I got placed on something called the diversion program. I was forced to abruptly quit drugs. I was given a year of probation, $1,000 in fines, and 100 community service hours.
I became a heavy cigarette smoker and drank all the time if I could get away with it. I wasn't stupid enough to do drugs on probation as K, even though I desperately wanted to. She failed around 7 drug tests but still made it off probation some how. Her mom got her a prescription to klonopin and she heavily abused it. One day, T and I walked in on her cutting herself. She said she had taken 30 klonopin. She ended up in an ambulance and got put on medical leave from our university. On her way home, she was on vicodin and totaled her car and almost died. She lives in her home town now and continues to abuse drugs and herself. I've heard rumors that she's out for heroin.
Mean while, T continues to do a diferent pill every night. Her condition is worsening. She can't even afford rent but she can afford scrip after scrip of prescription meds. She lies to everyone.
My positive message is this: quit before you get caught. Hopefully you still have that luxury to quit on your own. I wish more than anything that I had avoided drugs. Although I've been clean since December (smoked a few days back then) it has been an awful road. I call every day to see if I have to go blow and drop. Every time I go it costs $10. I pay money monthly and do my community service of 8 hours a week on top of credits and a full work schedule. It's hell. However, I feel blessed that I have been able to quit. Don't under-estimate yourself: YOU CAN JUST QUIT. I did. I had withdrawals. But I ignored them to save me from jail. I am now 22 days clean of cigarettes. You can master your addiction, don't end up like T and K. Honestly most heart-breaking thing I've ever had to watch. I've recently been offered a great high-paying job for over the summer and I can't wait to move on with my life, and close the ugly chapter that was drugs.
This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.