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From Heroin Addi0

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From Heroin Addi0

My story ends today, as this moment is all that I have. Tomorrow is not certain, and my sobriety is not as well - Recovery is ongoing, takes consistency, and requires perseverance. Despite this seeming like a daunting task, especially for the struggling addict, it doesnt have to be. Recovery is never embarked on alone, but rather as a group with others around your for support. Not everyone will have a bad day at the same time and more so, many have shared similar feelings and emotional experiences such as spiritual bankruptcy, depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. This was me, overwhelmed by my discontent emotional state which eventually led me to the brink of suicide: I was faced with a decision, to intentionally overdose or seek help.

Growing up on the east coast, I had a normal childhood, loving parents and essentially everything that I could need. My parents did travel a lot for work, so much of my childhood was spent with a nanny. This, in addition to other influenced I cannot pinpoint, contributed to a severe state of codependance with my parents. I have always been an extremely emotional person, to the point where they begin to dictate my actions and take over. Anxiety and depression are certainly at the root of my addiction. The first time I drank was in 10th grade, ?and soon after I tried pot for the first time. Nothing clicked as you may hear in others stories, although I did continue to drink and smoke, progressively more and more, as I grew older. By senior year, I was drinking heavily on the weekends and smoking weed frequently as well. I had tried cocaine and Xanax, both of which I enjoyed but didnt quite hit the spot.

Freshman year of college was when my depression took a nose dive and I found myself using pills more and more, moving from xanax to strong opiates like Oxycontin. I soon found my drug of choice, opiates, and felt as though I had arrived. My addiction was gradual but continued to become more severe as time wore on...I attempted to manage my dependance with Suboxone, taking it for a few days, then stopping and going back to Oxy. This allowed me to fund my addiction with 'off days' but also prolonged my trip to the bottom...Heroin soon became the drug of choice as it was cheaper. Injecting was the next step and this is truly what brought me to my knees.

I shopped around quite a bit, traveling to Baltimore frequently, but also DC where Raw was more prevalent. I stole and lied constantly. There were numerous attempts to get clean, always followed by a worse relapse... by the time I reached out for help in 2009, my choices were to either commit suicide by overdose, or get clean. How I am still here today still baffles me...My life has not been easy since 2009, but it has become MANAGEABLE. I have worked through my problems and fears, and must continue to do so in order to stay sober. Today I am the cofounder of a startup in Silicon Valley, a far cry from the streets of Baltimore with a needle in my hand...Sobriety works, although I have lost many friends along the way. For one reason or another, they fall off the 'bandwagon'...They always said in treatment: "Everyone here will either end up in jails, institutions, dead or sober"...I thoughts it was extreme and not true, but I was mistaken.

Stay strong and it can happen...Seek support through groups, face your fears, and have faith.?


This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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